1 is such a huge milestone.  At 1 Nolan can eat solid food, can walk, can self feed (take food by hand and put in his mouth) and can have honey !  I admit the first thought that came to mind when I realized he's soon to be 1 is that he can now have honey !  YAY !  My children are born in winter/early spring, aka flu season, so knowing there's natural remedy that they can take makes me feel more at ease.

Nolan, baby Nolan, does everything super fast !  There's no learning curve, like when he goes from crawling to sitting up to walking, the second he discovered what he can do, he just does it.  There's no practice time or making many efforts or attempts, he just go about it like he's been doing it all along.  This baby loves to smile.  His smile is contagious.  So happy, so content, so genuine and so free.  Oh the possibilities that come with his smile.  He makes me feel like I'm the most wonderful person on earth.  Only me.

When he feels like it, he would say to me "ma ma" and it's such a sweet sounding word.  He would reach out and hold my face to his.  Our head would connect and for a brief moment, we rested in each other's love.  Him knowing I love him to infinity and me knowing I'm being loved by him and that I`m all he wants (because I'm his`source of "food" :) 

Being a boy, Nolan is so much different from the 2 girls.  He climbs onto everything and likes to stick everything into the electrical outlet (even though they are covered and taped outside) and when it failed (which is every time), he would bang whatever he's holding onto the wall, creating dents ! He's a pretty much wreck havoc wherever he goes !!!  Upside for me is, once he's older I get all new furniture :D

Nolan's favorite place is the kitchen and the bathroom.  The kitchen is where there are many items that he can bang together and make super loud noises.  He especially loves the dishwasher (we used it as a dish rack :-)))  Nolan would slide his tiny hands under the tray and splash the bit of water around or he would just take all the chopsticks and forks and spoons out !  

Most day Nolan can be found hovering outside the bathroom, waiting for the girls to open and go in to wash their hand or do their business.  The minute it`s open he would swoop in, head to the toilet and splash the water in there.  Grosssssss !  If the girl got in before him and sat down to do their business then he would squeeze beside them, push their bum out of the way so he can reach the toilet water.  He`s gross like that !!!  My goal is to try to beat him to it and take him out before he gets to the toilet.  If he beats me to it then I would have to pry his fingers off the toilet seat with him screaming in my ears.  Then he would scream some more (he has endless amount of energy) when I scrub his hands clean with soap.

For activities, Nolan likes to play with toys in the bathtub with a bit of water.  He loves the water and have no issue with putting his head in the water.  He does that often so bath time requires me to watch him like a hawk.  He likes dipping his head under water to drink water !  He`s daring like that.  But bathing is the easy part, taking him out to dry is way more challenging as he would wiggle and scream his head off, fighting me so he can go back into the tub.

It's not an easy task caring for this little wild one !  But it's not all work and no fun either.  His kisses, his embrace, his hugs, and his smiles, they give me strength and perseverance to press on.  They make everything worth it :-)  I am so happy to be his ma ma and so happy that he's a happy healthy baby.   We made it to 1 baby Nolan !  I can't wait to see what's coming this year.

3 a.m.

Can't sleep.  So excited to come back to work after a year of hiatus (mat leave).  While I know I will miss my kids immensely, a part of my brain is ready for some challenging activities.  Stay at home mom is a lot of work and stressful.  I feel like I'm always on the go, keeping up with my active kids.  Work will give me some needed balance.  My brain gets the stimulation it needs, I am forced to get out of my pyjamas and I get to eat lunch undisturbed.  Woo hoo !

We have a pretty ordinary life, days in and out we keep to our usual routines, besides works, time is mostly spent with our little family.  Life in general is very good.  However, I always have this nagging sadness (?) or discomfort bothering me.  When we eat I often feel so thankful to have food in my fridge and I thought about those that don't know when their next meal will be.  Or when we are out and about, I thought about people who don't have that kind of freedom, time or money to do that with their family.  

When I said I am sad, I don't mean I have depression.  I am quite a happy person who finds joy in all I do.  What I mean when I am sad is - this took me a while to figure out & was confirmed during a sermons - is the awareness of poverty around me. I am very well aware of how fortunate I am for having health, food, shelter and a job to pay for them.  I am also mindful of all the unfortunate things in the world, children going hungry, parents working 2 or more jobs to provide for their family, women struggles with domestic abuse, kids without loving home/guidance, just naming a few.  The awareness is there to constantly remind me to be grateful, to be appreciative and to be thoughtful of others.  The awareness is there for me to also help out where I can.  We can live comfortably in our own little bubble and it's ok and fine and life just go on normally.  But with Jesus, He desires us to reach out of our bubble.  We can't just live for ourselves and hence this awareness is felt very loud to me.  

This discomfort and awareness is always there like a help signal, "Do something.  Anything" it said.  Until I figure out what that "something" the Lord wants me to do is, the best thing I can do now is to help in anyway I can.  I can pray, can volunteer my skills and donate money, these are all I can afford at this moment.  I am asking the Lord to reveal more to me, to help me see what I can do to help others.  As a mom of 3 kids I feel I am limited in what I can do !  But the Lord is ever the creative one, I am sure if I let Him He'll come up with something pretty awesome !

As I continue this this post a couple weeks after, re-reading the above writing, and it dawned on me, we can serve as a family !  We can help the kids and others to learn of Jesus' love in small projects.  Yay for this little insight !!!!! 

My desire is to serve the Lord and as a mother I desire for my kids to find Jesus and love him.  In loving Him, they will learn to have compassion for others, be responsible and accountable people, learn to stand firm for what they believe in, and not to compromise.  In loving Jesus, we know that we can disagree with a person, disagree with a point of view, and disagree to a certain lifestyle while still loving them as a person.  

School have since started for Bee.  She's also in Awana this year.  Lately I found myself forgetting "fancy day" at school or when Awana store is open - the 2 events that Bee looks forward to.  I sometime use the calendar on my phone for all these but since I don't have the phone with me all the time and don't usually check it first thing in morning, it doesn't do me any good.  Fed up with too many missed events, one afternoon I asked C to make me a command centre !  aka wall organizer.  I doodle out what I like, a wall of pictures frames - one would be a white board, one a cork board, one frame will frame-hooks for jackets/bags, and one frame for art work.  I shared my design with C and he suggest he build me one big one from wood so it's less work, less holes on our wall and keep everything together in one place.  We spent the next hour brainstorming what we want, what's easy/fast to do; then sent C off to Home Depot to get the wood slats.

The outcome of C's hard work !  A wall organizer for our kids' stuff.

What C did:

• Pcked up 5 pieces of 1" thick by 6" wide and 8 feet long (ask store staff to cut the 8 feet into 2 (so they are 4 feet each)
• For the trimming of the wall mount (the part where I painted gray), you can use whatever wood width thickness you like (hubby used the same wood size and cut it down to frame the wall mount, this wood is also what he used to nail all the 4 feet slats together, lay side and side)

Less than an hour of banging nails away in our garage, C got the wooden wall mount done.  I then painted the trim with Fusion Mineral Paint's grey paint left from my dressers project.  I highly recommend this brand.  Great coverage, non toxic, water based (I accidentally got paint on the wall many times ! and I just have to wipe off after with a damp cloth).

Using a stud finder, C located 2 solid beams and used 4 long nails to screw the wood wall mount onto the wall.  It's very very sturdy.  I made a mistake with the hooks though !  We were so eager to put it up we forgot the check.  I bought some beautiful ceramic knobs to use as hooks but the screw is back in not front in !!!!  It was too late to use because the wall mount is already screwed to the wall.  Too late for me but not for you.  So make sure you check the knobs or hooks you're using for jacket/bag holder first before securing the wall mount to the wall.

I bought a roll of cork from Rona to glue onto the middle exposed area and made that into a cork board (I discovered much later, you can get the cork roll from Dollarama too, for fraction of the cost).  I also bought a small white board and nailed it on the cork board.  I used a permanent sharpie and ruler to draw in the lines for calendar and the standard whiteboard marker to write in events and appointments.  

Almost a month in now and this board has been serving us very well.  It took a few days to train the kids to hang their bags and lunch bags and Awana vests here though !  So far so good.  We post all school notices and permission slips on the cork board.  Write important events on the white board.  Some day I leave message for C there (I go to work before him) because I know it's what he checked every morning before taking Bee to school.  The fact that it's being used and used often, that to me is success.  Very happy with the outcome !

I love Thanksgiving, the day off from work, family get together, and best of all, a specific day dedicated to giving thanks !  It encourages all of us to take out time to count our blessings.

I have heard of intentional thanksgiving countless time and took it to heart how important it is to be thankful.  I have always been thankful to the Lord for the family I have, our health, our friendships, and the job I love.  It's something I carry in my heart.  However, saying "thank you for..." and really giving yourself the time and space to think and fully absorb why you are thankful is quite different, well, for me at least.  I only been making time for intentional thanks giving in recent years and it's quite mind changing.

I don't always go to bed feeling all content and blessed.  Some night I lay in bed feeling upset or frustrated or tired or worried.  Things that are trivial in the day time, can become greatly magnified when I am in bed, when the noise is off and I am just there with my thoughts.  Soooo....when I start to pray, it's quite easy to start pouring out on all that's unfair, all that's wrong, to the Lord.  My prayer sounds more like a letter of complaint more than a conversation with God.  BUT, since making thanks giving priority first in my prayer, and just lingering on at this phrase, giving it more time and thoughts, (before moving on with prayer requests) I noticed it changes my perceptions of things.  

At the start of the prayer, I would list out what I am thankful for.  It start with one thing, then usually that one thing linked to another and then another, and somewhere during this time, the attitude of my heart change.  I don't know how to explain it, it's the mystery when conversing with the Almighty !  I just know it to be true.  I can feel the Lord telling me heart to be at peace and cast all my cares on Him.  If I was upset or frustrated, I am now more calm and collected and gained new insights of the situation.  If I was tired, well I am still tired :) but I see purpose to my tiredness (I am growing a family after all and that takes efforts and plenty of sweats) and understand that it will go away with a good night rest.  If I was worried, I am reminded of all the times Jesus provided, how faithful He is.  I might feel I am at a dead end but He's got a way out.  HE ALWAYS have an awesome plan for me.

I understood now why we give thanks first !  because it takes us out of the little black hole we are currently in and shows us a bigger picture.  Remembering how the Lord took care of me in past circumstances gives me hope for whatever trials I am facing.  By focusing on giving praise and thanks, it changes my perceptions of the situation I am in, changes my attitude, changes my approach, and in the end, changes the course of my prayer.

While I don't always go to bed with a smile on my face, I always always wake up feeling grateful and peaceful.  It's a habit I do so often that it's slowly becoming a part of me !  I give thanks throughout the day,  thankful for the break in the rain when I walk home with Bee from school, thankful for long nap Peanut took so I can write this post, etc etc !  This is probably one of my favorite habit and one that I intend on keeping.

When I was searching for storage ideas I found so many great suggestions.  Bins and baskets are the way to go, to keep all those knick knacks out of sight !  We have so many little toys, soooooo many.  Like the toy shop threw up in our house :-(  Even after the kids clean up something is always forgotten behind the chairs, tables, baskets, dressers, on the table, tucked behind a shelf, etc.  They are kinda really bad at cleaning.  At least they clean so I don't complain and always thank them for their hard work.  Then when they sleep, C and I would organize and clean and complain about them kids.  We protest whenever they want to make a mess but we actually like (and hate) that they have so much ideas !  And often we can't help but get down and dirty with them and that's when the whole house is a huge mess !  Ah, this is the life with kids and it's all good !  

The few times when my kids made my blood level rose and I am ready to smack someone's behind, I usually give myself a prep talk in my head - Tracy, you want kids !  You love them, this is what life with kids is like, it's a crazy roller coaster, embrace it, scream if you need to, then get over it as this time shall pass.  

To compromise with our kids, I am have gotten some baskets and toys trunk to throw everything in, quick and easy and we all can do it !  Now I just need to pretty them all up.  Anyways, until I get to it, here are some ideas I like and hope to incorporate into our play area.   Keep in mind that all these pictures are probably staged for photo ops.  They must be right ?  Who's house look like that ?   OK maybe theirs. Maybe just our kids are messy :-(  can I return them ?  :-P

I don't have a mud room :(  I wish I have a mud room.  I am planning on converting my entry area into something like a mud room.  It will house all the kids jackets, shoes and backpacks.  Since we don't like clutters, I think we will have baskets and cupboards so we don't see all the stuff.  No matter how organized an area is, if I see too many colors, too many types of items and too many holders it makes me go a little nuts inside.  I like storage that's uniforms, not too many things hanging out and about !  We are thinking of building something maybe this Christmas holiday or the spring next year.  We'll see if we get to it !

Here are some ideas of what I have in mind:

This is something I think hubby will like !  Wood and white !  I would use all rectangle woven baskets on top and have all the bench solid and the seats can open up for storage (shoes :-) the kids have so many shoes).

*Pictures are courtesy of PinInterest