Spent our 11th year anniversary with these kiddos.  We had a party at home with our friends the night before and today is just us 4.  We ate all our favorite food, wander around Steveston, ate some more then call it a day !  A perfect well spent day.  



C emailed me at work and asked if I'm working Friday.  I told him I'm off and he told me he's going to take a day off work to take me out on an all day date !  I must say I was surprise and like always, a butterfly fleeting feeling in my tummy :)  I get happy at the thought of him.  Even though I see him every day and sleep next to him every night, every time we're meeting up or going somewhere together, I get this excited, nervous, anxious, happy feeling at the pit of my belly.  If I was meeting him for lunch I would scan the crowd and my heart just soar when I see him.  I don't know why, that's just how I feel.  Some people asked me how I maintained it, and honestly I don't know !!!  Perhaps we just spend a lot of time talking and being in each other's presence !  One of those, the longer we're together the deeper our love grow.  So sappy I know !  you can go vomit if you want :)  It's not like we don't have hardship, we do, but we often talk it out.  No hidden feeling or agenda or anything.  Full disclosure all.the.time.  We are very protected of us and our family so we don't let anything "off" go unnoticed. 

 



Hours spent talking at a quaint coffee/general store.  I love the old feeling/look of  this place, le Marche St. George.

"I choose you"

3-words that made significant difference on my thinking pattern.  Pastor J shared last Sunday on the topic of godly marriage, it was such a great message.  What I walked away with ?  Our reasons and emotions aren't reliable vehicles to listen to as they waver.  It's our will that has the power to triumph over them both.  We need to WILL our self to choose our partner over and over again.

You can listen to the sermon here:  http://www.burnabyalliance.org/bac/servlet/admin?subdir=eng_resource1&action=sermon&year=2014&path=2014_sermon&root=eng_resource1

Marriage, whether christian or not, consists of 4 parts:  Commitment, Accommodation, Self-sacrifice and Forgiveness.

It was a great sermon, a great reminder for me, who's constantly busy with kids and when I'm free, (I reasoned) I need time for myself, for my own hobbies.  There's very little time left for my husband.  He's understanding about it, he knows we're in a limbo (newish baby),  BUT BUT BUT I don't want to use this as excuse.  Because I've been doing just that.  Instead of caring for C, instead of taking some chores off his hand, I choose to spend time with Candy Crush !  If it's once in a while it's ok, but I've been doing those a lot.  I don't even feel rested after my "me time" (cuz my brain activities were kept going at high speed).

I don't want to make THIS game-playing into a me-time HABIT for me.  It's not that Candy Crush is BAD, it's not, but because I play it excessively :(  that's when I turn something that's a good pass-time game into bad (like alcohol, little is good, excessive consumption leads to liver failure).  Anything in excess is not healthy.  I can't believe I'm addicted to a game.  Seriously ?  Who knew !

C has been great at always finding time for us to talk, to rest, to just be in each other's presence.   He took the ipad from me many of times and would say "you're mine now".   Stupid addictive Candy Crush !  a game that I not only need to score 3 stars but also need to beat my peers' score.  Argggh !  So my first order of "I choose you" for me was deleting Candy Crush.   I've disconnected it from facebook, which helps a lot.  I really need to let it go through.  Like completely delete it from all ipads.   I am not one easily addicted to anything so this was shocking to me when C pointed it out.  I've been in denial for a while.

There was a time when I was naïve enough to think that once you're married, you're secured, it's forever.  Then one by one, people are divorcing like hot cakes around me and that shattered my bubble pretty fast. OK, so we won't be separating over Candy Crush, and it's not THAT huge of an issue, but you see, it's just an example that little thing that go unnoticed can lead to big thing and that can change the course of everything.  We will all go through little stuff like this in our life journey, and it's important to take notice of the little things.  Because it's those little un-noticed things that added up to big thing and then we find ourselves going "what ? how did we get here ?".

Lately, I have not been playing much CC.  I still have some self-control :)  I feel like I've gained so much time back in my day.  I do have to make an effort to avoid it.  Oh how I pray and pray for strength and self control !   It's all about WILL power you know !  Don't reason or justify anything, you just DO IT.  We choose what we let in our life, if we picked garbage, we'll get garbage !  I've learned that we can not be certain, sure, of anything, but God, who's faithful and unchanging.  Everything else can shift and change.  EVERYTHING.  So we need to continue to work work work to keep the good things we have.

PJ likes to use the yard sample (green green vs dead grass), however for me, I like to think of my marriage like our back yard garden, because we spend a lot of time caring for it.  Our garden requires us to constantly tend it, nurture it, weed it, watch for new growth, watch for diseased plant (and quickly kill it before it can spread), protect the roots, watch for bugs, etc.  It needs ongoing care and attention.  Like our marriage, we continue to work at keeping it growing.  If we stop nurturing our marriage, it will slowly BUT SURELY look like this picture below:

It's depressing looking isn't it ?  This is what happened when we let any relationship go unkempt really, not just for marriage ! misunderstanding, frustration, regret, guilt, resentment, doubt, insecurity, and a host of other ugly stuff will move in.  Don't just sit around, let things go, and think "I'll tend to it later".  By then, it might be overwhelming and you're too tired and rather give up than trying.  OR say if you want to put in the work of reviving the relationship, what if it's too late ? what if the other already move on ?

Our house is getting a mini clean up/makeover this week.  It's only a few years old but my neighbor, June, told me once, always walk around your house, check into everything.  Even if it looks ok, have a good look at your house, inspect it, remember it, so when something is wrong, you can easily spot the fault.  She said you need to up keep it every year and fix what you need to fix.  Don't wait until everything stop working because then it will be a bigger and more expensive of a job.  Her words stayed with me.  This is our first house and I sure can learn from her.  Her house is a testament for her advice, it's 50 years old, and pristine inside and out.  The result of her constant care.

My relationship with C needs constant care.  Our garden is currently thriving and to keep it that way we need to be good garden tenders !  "I choose you" ... such beautiful words !

The peonies are starting to bloom in our garden 

Pastor J was sharing about Godly Men in church yesterday.  A very insightful topic.  I wish he write a blog about it because he bought up so many interesting points about men and women.  During the sermon, I was reminded again that men are linear thinker and task oriented, while women are relational thinking and multi-tasker.  For a long while I was getting pretty annoying with my husband's inability to read my thoughts.  Seriously, how could he not know ?  He doesn't know because you didn't tell him, a little voice inside of me pointed out the obvious.  Blah.

So, a man wants a teammate.  Someone to play along side them, to support them and their goals.  This is indeed very true !  We've been married for more than 10 years now !  we tread difficult waters without knowing these little know facts (linear vs multi-tasker) the first few years.  If only we are aware of it like we are now, it would save us lots of headache and heartache.

My husband loves sharing his plans to me.  Even when I'm so sleepy, he would nudge me til I'm awake to share with me his personal goals, our financial plan, plans for our house, our garden, our kids, our next week, our next month, our summer goal, our winter goal, our church goals...I just thought C has something like A.D.D (attention deficit disorder) so he has to make plans to keep himself focused.  Who knew !

While having lunch, I was thinking about what makes a good team mate ?  am I a good teammate ?  I surely can't answer that so I asked C.  In his words "off course.  why would I marry you if you're not ?", "but what makes you think I would be a good teammate to you ?" I asked.  "You love God and you love people, so then I knew."  "That's it ?"   "That's all" he said.

Totally NOT what I was hoping to hear.  I was hoping for stuff like, your great sense of humor, fun, good personality, happy demeanor, secure, etc.....  Hmmmm......BUT even though his answer is short,  after giving it more thought, some how I get it.  I get it.  Mr C knew he wanted me to be his team mate because of my love for Jesus.  Because it secured a few important things for him (when I probe more at him later), common faith goals, marriage commitment, life goals and tithe.  What is important to C, is important to me, so that makes me a good team mate in his eyes.  However, that doesn't mean we will play well together.  All the other stuff helps us to make that decision !  you know stuff like we're attracted to each other, we talk, we date, we fight, we learn about each other, we learn to fight nice, we learn to love.

We were so different then, in our teens.  High school was stressful.  We were trying to figure ourselves out, learning about ourselves and trying to find ourselves.  But we made a commitment to stick together through our growing years.  We weren't the perfect person for the other when we first dated, but over the years, we can see God transforming both of us, little by little, into a perfect partner to each other.  We're not perfect in all aspects, but we've come a long way from the start.  This year marked our 21 years together !

We are still changing and growing.  And growth is good right ?  It take sometime to adjust and we will bicker over it ! Learning curve is never fun.

Talk about learning curve, 3 weeks ago, hubby was complaining to me about me !  about me not closing the cabinet doors.  He said, "you know it's not you I complain about right ?  it's your habit.  I'm only saying this because it bothered me and stressed me out.  And because you love me, can you please do something about it !"

This isn't the first time C asked me to close the cabinets.  I have the habit of leaving any cabinet door I opened open.  I DON'T KNOW WHY I don't close them.  Lazy ?  Forgetful ?  I don't know.  *sigh*  I open, I forget, I move on :(  I'm constantly multi-tasking !

Any who, usually i would just wave it off, thinking it's not big deal, he's just complaining for the heck of it.  Then I would end it by saying something in the line of "its my house too, I like to leave them like that".  It's kitchen cabinet doors for goodness sake !  they got nothing on us.  We're good. 

That's where I'm wrong < it's hard for me to even type that word, because I'm so often right :-)  But I shouldn't disregard my husband's comment.  He's telling me his feeling.  He's sharing how my carelessness (because I didn't think much of it) is causing him distress.  What seems trivial to me is NOT to him.  And I need to respect that. 

I can see that he is really stress at the sight of doors open when they're supposed to be closed.   OCD ?  maybe ?  but what's is important is, I should know, no, actually, I do know, I just choose to ignore.  C is Mr. Clean, Mr. Organize !  Sight of clutter stresses him out, I know that.  I like clutter.  I can be in a hoarder's house sipping tea and feeling just fine.  While C will die just at the sight !

I really didn't know opened doors annoyed him that much.  I know, it's because I never fully listen.  I heard him now.  I can't guarantee that I will always close the doors, but I decided that I will make the effort to close them.  If one do it many times it'll stick right ?  how many time does it take to train a habit again ?   Closed door = smiling happy C !  I can do this.

This is just one example of no matter how healthy you think relationship is, there's always room for improvement, room to grow .  Marriage is like a garden, it needs care and tendering. For me, the word "teammate" conjures up an image of 2 volleyball players playing along side with each other.  Each taking turn with the lead and assistant role, depending on their strength and weakness, we each cover for each other.  We communicate, we ask for help when needed.  Our plans and goals have to the same to win.  That's kind a how I pictured my marriage.  2 different players with common goals.  We're team mate and we got each other's back.

I must admit that C rubs off a lot of his "orderly" ways on me.  While I "inspire" him to wear slim jeans, colorful shirts, eat kale...While we are alike in many ways, we are still different in many ways too !  We don't lose ourselves in each other.  We each are unique individual.  We're not done "growing" yet though, as we are now parents of 2 lovely.but.crazy kids, there are many challenges ahead of us and it will test our patience with our kids and each other.  But we got God as the center of it all, and that common denominator will keep us together.

As God is shaping our heart, He also uses each of us to shape each other.  Go team Truong !

Taken hours before entering into Valentine's Day !  Love these girls !

By John Mark Comer, February 11, 2014

John Mark Comer is Lead Pastor of Bridgetown; A Jesus Church in Portland, Ore., and author of Loveology: God. Love. Marriage. Sex. And the Never-Ending Story of Male and Female, which released Feb. 4, 2014. 

 

  

Friendship.

 

Support.

 

Sexuality.

 

Family.

 

Recreation.

That’s why you get married. That’s why God created marriage.

Here’s the problem—that’s not why most people get married.

At least, that’s not why I got married. I got married to be happy.

Don’t get me wrong. I was into all that other stuff. She was my closest friend. There was a calling on our life together that we were excited about. Sex ... uh ... yes. And we both wanted a family one day. But none of those reasons were the reason.

Like millions upon millions of other Americans, I married for happiness.

That sounds innocuous at first glance. Heck, it sounds romantic. But the trouble is that happiness is the result of a healthy marriage. It’s not the reason for marriage. Happiness is a great thing, but it’s the by-product, the afterclap of marriage. It’s not the point.  Happiness is the result of a healthy marriage. It’s not the reason for marriage.

God doesn’t look down on Adam and say, “He looks sad. He needs a lift. He needs another human being to quench the thirst of his soul. I will make him a helper to satisfy his deepest longings. Eve, the pressure’s on.” Of course not. Only God can do that.

A spouse is not a substitute for God.

 

The point of marriage isn’t to find our missing half. It’s to help each other become all God intended. Our future, real selves. In marriage, two people partner to that end. They see the best in each other—the person God created them to be—and they push and pull each other toward that goal.
Don’t get married because you think he or she is “the one.” Trust me, they’re not. There’s no such thing! But do get married when you see who God is making somebody to be, and it lights you up. When you want to be a part of that story of transformation, that journey to the future. When you are well aware it will be a long and bumpy ride, but you don’t want to miss one mile. Because you believe in God’s calling on them, and you want in.

My wife makes me a better person. She calls out the best in me. She calls me to live up to who I really am, to who God is making me to be.

She also brings out the worst in me. What Paul calls “the flesh.” The ugly, nasty part of me that doesn’t want to change. She exposes my selfishness and my pride.

That’s why marriage is humbling. I thought I was a pretty decent guy—and then I got married. Turns out I’m kind of a toolshed. It’s easy to be a decent guy when you live in a bubble. But when you step into marriage, your true colors bleed out. It’s like squeezing a sponge. Whatever is on the inside comes out, for better or for worse.

I cringe when I’m at a wedding where the guy says, “I promise to make you happy.” I want to stand up and scream, “You can’t keep that promise. It’s impossible. You aren’t God!”

Is it any wonder that the number-one justification for divorce is “I deserve to be happy”? If you put your faith in your spouse to make you happy, it’s only a matter of time until they let you down.
Our whole mindset on happiness is deeply flawed. “I deserve to be happy.” Really? I’m not sure that’s right.

All of life is a gift from the Creator God. We think we have the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” but contrary to what the American propaganda machine says, happiness is not a right. It’s a gift. God doesn’t owe you anything. And neither does your spouse. It’s all a gift.

If you go into marriage searching for happiness, all you will do is walk out filled with disillusionment.

You have to get this before you get married. Sadly, I didn’t, and it caused me so much pain. Not to mention how it hurt my wife.

If you go into marriage searching for happiness, all you will do is walk out filled with disillusionment. Don’t get me wrong. Marriage is incredible! But it’s not heaven on earth. It’s two broken people coming together to follow God’s calling on their lives.

Let marriage be marriage, and let God be God. Let marriage be for friendship and support and sex and family and re-creation. And let God be the well for your soul. Your source of life.

This doesn’t mean you won’t be happy in marriage. I am. Most of the best memories of my life have my wife attached to them. Our honeymoon in Europe, moving to Portland, starting a church, the birth of our first child, that vacation in Kauai—we did all of that together. And it was fun. If I were to edit her out of my story, it would be flat, anemic and boring.

Here’s what I’ve learned over the last few years. God is the source of my life, not my wife. She’s an amazing gift that I don’t deserve, but she’s not Jesus. It took me a long time to get this. And to be honest, I’m still pounding away on living it out. Hopefully, you’ll get this sooner than I did. Because the beauty of this way of living is that if and when happiness shows up on your doorstep, it’s icing on the cake.

Repost from RelevantMagazine.com

Just like that 2013 came to an end.  We bid our goodbyes to 2013.  It was a bittersweet year for us.  There are joy and sorrow in all of our days.  It is life !

I was in my last trimester when 2013 marched in.  I was tired of being pregnant and was counting down each minute to delivery date ! Bee wants to be like me so she walks around with a balloon that she stuffed up her shirt.  Cute and freaky at the same time !  During this time, I was spent a lot of time "nesting".  I (forcefully) suggested to C that I needed the many rooms in our house repainted.  I also surprise him one day by telling him that I sold our dinning room set on craigslist ! 

In February we welcomed the birth of our 2nd daughter, Kadie Madison.  A whopping 7 lb 10 ounces baby.  Words cannot express how happy we are to have her in our lives, sleep deprived and all :-)

Bee celebrated her 3rd birthday !  I can't believe she's 3 and talking like a 15.  She now negotiates, questions my authority, asks a million of questions, gives herself time out, shuts the door to her room, and makes up her own rules !  In between, she smiles and giggles a lot, hugs often, and always say "I love you mama".  I love hugging her.  I wish I can freeze those moments.  The feeling of having this small child that I can still hold tight onto, that she can still fit in my arms is amazing.  Her smell, her touch, her skin, her kisses, her eyes looking into my eyes.  I'm in love with my daughter.  I don't want her to grow up.  I want time to slow down for us.

C & I became quite the home maker this year.  We planted vegetables in our little garden, refurbished a sideboard and did a lot of baking (mainly me!).  We picked and ate snowpea tips, peas, spinach and blueberries from our garden.  We also gathered our first crop of figs !  17 green Italian sweet-as-honey figs.  They were wonderfully delicious. 

 

As spring reaching to an end, our church closed its door and so begins the search for a new home church for us.  It was a huge change with mixed emotions.  Within weeks of that, my uncle passed away from a stroke.  Those 2 events casted a cloud of sadness over our family.  It was a tough time for us but we strive on, hanging to the Hope we know.  Christ gives us strength to move on forward.

Summer came rushing in with flurries of weekends at the beach, bbqs, and picnics.  We also took a short trip to the States, took both kids on their first camping trip and also spent some time on a cabin by the water.  It was nice.  It was time for us to rest, enjoy the beautiful nature God has bestowed on us, and reflect.  This year was also our 10th anniversary.  Almost 20 years since we dated.  I spent most of my life time with this lone man !!!!!  Wow, time flies when you're busy living.



As summer turns into fall, we get to celebrate with my 2nd cousin C, as she wed her lovely man J.  It was a hot day with cold drinks being served all around.  A beautiful wedding with thoughtful touches from the bride.  We danced until our feet hurt while the kids passed out from all the excitement.

This year I discovered that Bee has a knack for creative art !  She has quite the imagination and can express them through her drawing.  She also loves to sing and dance (mostly to Katy Perry) and loves to wear dresses !  She's definitely my girl :)



As the warm golden sun extended his stay, we finally decided on a church that we can attend regularly.  Things are looking up.  Then C was approached for new employment opportunity and became an associate for a local firm.  I'm really proud of him.  It was a huge blessing because we can see the footprints of how the Lord got C to where he is.  We are always grateful for all that's been given to us.

Autumn welcomes the birth of our dear friends' son, Brendan.  Lovebug now has a friend who's born in the same year as her. 

Thanksgiving came and bought with it a cold chilly blanket.  Within weeks, the town were hit with a cold snap.  We woke up one morning with snow covered ground.  Bee was beyond the moon happy.  We were out playing, singing, and making a snow man.  Lovebug was freaking out at all these white things flying around her.  She tried to lick them off the ground ! 

Christmas came with dinners with all the usual suspects.  However we got a special visit from our long time friend Aggie, who now lives in the UK.  It was such a delight to have her family over and meeting her baby Ben.  I like hearing Aggie talk.  She has interesting insights and a straight-shooter so one can expect nothing but truthfulness from her.  Quite refreshing.



I love my little family !  Love all the messiness that it comes with.  Bee and Lovebug bought so much joy and "ah hah" moments to our days !  Along with them are some hair pulling frustrations too :D  There's rarely a pocket of silent in our home.  Bee talks all.day.long !!!  Her favorite words are "I'm sad now" (when she doesn't get what she wants), "Never ever again", "I want you to hold me", "Jesus loves us", "Jesus loves everybody", "Jesus loves me so I can build house (bloks), I can swim, I can poo, I can pee" (I don't know what to make of that one but it's good to be thankful nonetheless), and her favorite line of all "That's NOT right!". 

This year was a learning curve for Bee.  She has a new sister whom she has to share not only her parents with but also all toys !  all the while learning alphabet, counting to 20, spelling her name, cutting paper with scissor, building with bloks, drawing, interacting with peers, joining circle time at strongstart & sunday school, etc .  Some days she's loving, some day she's frustrated and down right a meany.  I'm glad there are more of the former than latter.  Bee adjusted well with all the changes, more than I expected, and always ready to help with everything, from diaper change to bathing to carrying baby.   Every now and then she asks me to give baby away ! 

Bee also took swimming lesson this year and passed !  She loves the pool.  There's not an ounce of fear of the deep water in her.  Awesomeness !  On top of all of that, she kind of came out of her shell !!!  C and I heard her introduces her name, saw her plays and talks with other kids.  She's much more socialable !  We can drop her off at Sunday school now :D imagine that !  it's a big milestone for us all. 

As for Lovebug, she likes to scream when she's upset, happy, and sometime, just because !  She's  LOUD !  She's also a super baby !  So strong and sturdy.  She rolled over at 3 month, sat up at 5 and stood up at 6.  She started taking baby steps at 8 months and fully walk on her own at 10 months.  Amazing right ?  She's so easy and chill !  I also didn't have to make baby food because she gagged when fed pureed food.  She wants to eat what we're eating.  I'm a bit sad that she's so independent.  By year end she can feed herself, walk/run, climb on/off table, sofa and bed, and she can crawl up stairs.  She loves to open cabinets and play with the water in the toilet (so unlike Kaila who has no interests in those).  She's now 20 lbs !  I want to hold on to her as much as I can !

Our home is crazy noisy when the kids aren't sleeping.  Isn't every home with kids noisy ?  A mayhem from sunrise to sunset.  But amidst the chaos, a smile, a laugh, a giggle dispersed all anxiety away.  Kids have that affect on us.  They push on our boundaries and broaden them in ways we thought not possible.  Cliché this might sound, but my kids help me to be better person.  I'm so much more patience than I've ever been.  More crafty, more silly, more messy, more forbearing than I've ever been.  I cherish them.

As for C and I, we gossip about our kids often when they're fast asleep !  We fought over who we think is more like us.  We miss each other a lot.  Some day we just stare at each other and miss having the other person to our self.  We hug tight whenever we can.  A touch, a glance, a kiss, a smile keeps us connected.  We know it's temporary that we can't spend too much time together.  A baby and a toddler is demanding !  they want to spend time with us and we need to spend time with them.  Time is an expensive commodity that we're learning each day to spend wisely !  I don't know how we did it but some how we managed to find time for all as family, then as a couple, and alone time too  !!!  Thanks to my mom for stepping in to help here and there !  We appreciate her.

Overall, it's a good year.  We're grateful for each other, for our families, and our friends.  Doing life is sweeter with friends.  We look forward to see what the Lord has plan for us for 2014 !  Cheers !
 

Whenever I have a moment to think of my mom, like now, I would feel bad for being so impatience with her.  I would show her countless times how to do something and within days, she would forget it.  I showed her already.  It's so easy.  Repeat it again I must but I don't like this !  Patience is something I was born lacking :-(  My kids are helping me gaining more each passing day. 

I forget that my mom is aging.  In my head I think she's in her 50s but she's almost 65.  She might be healthy and energetic and all, her brain is aging.  Just typing that word makes my heart ache a little.  My mom is growing old.  I need to understand that it's not that my mom doesn't want to remember how to do something, but because there's just too many things for her to take in.  It's not her fault she doesn't grow up with computers, remote controls, digital toaster, video intercom and so so so so many other things.  She was brought up the old school ways.

Thanks to my mom's "old school" upbringing that my brother and I never eat canned food, boxed food, and never eat food cooked or warmed up in the microwave.  Entertainments are gardening, going on walks, role playing, or helping my mom in the kitchen.  I carried with me many fond memories of my childhood.  My mom generously give us the gift of her time.  She spent times with us and takes time to make us great food.  I need to give her my gift of time.

As I thought of me trying to grasp and keep up with technology, I can only imagine the struggles she's dealing with.  Not to mention the language barrier.  It must be so hard on my mom.  Trying to learn the basic of it all.  The more I think of it, the more I appreciate and love my mom more and more.  She's pretty awesome for attempting to even TRY!  She now has her own email address, can press a whole bunch of buttons just to TURN ON THE TV !!!  Seriously, even I hate turning on the TV.  It should just be 1 button, like how it used to be.  My brother gave my mom his ipad and she loves it !  especially youtube because it allows her to watch sermons from all corners of the world.  She would tell me, "just show me how to do it.  If I don't get it after a few tries, show me some more ! enough time and it will stick with me."  What great attitude she possesses.  Never cease to learn.  I'm grateful for her.  I'm praying for patience and the ability to give those I love more of my time.

I poked my head out from the corner to assess the situation.  Hubby is laying on the floor, kids playing on him, they looked safe.  Perfect.

I tiptoed across the hallway, ipad in tow.  Before I got into our bedroom, I yelled out "I'm going to the bathroom OK !", "OK" C said.  I then closed our bedroom door lighting fast, before the kids can look up.  Before they realized I'm not there and come crawling/running looking for me.  I ran into our ensuite bathroom, shut and locked that door as fast as I could.  No kids can get to me now, there're 2 doors between me and them.  Phew.

I sat the ipad down on Bee's stepping stool.  Closed the toilet lid to make it into a seat.  I made a mental note to buy one of those fuzzy cover for it.  It'll be a better seat then .  I quickly tapped on Viki's icon, browsed to TV.  The translated subs for Secrets (Korean TV drama) should be done by now.  What ?  only 80% ?  it will have to do.  I can't get out now.  If I go back out there I might never made it back in.  I need to time this better next time.

Min-hyuk is so handsome.  He is falling for Yoo-jeong without realizing it.  Ahh...look at the way he looks at her while she's doing his laundry...

"Tracy, you're in there for like 40 min !!!  are you done ?  are you OK ?"  I heard C's concerning voice outside the bathroom door.  When did he get here ? 

"No, nothing came out !  I'm just about to take my shower though.  Since I'm in here already"  I yelled out while turning on the tap.

Before he can say anything > IT has to be before he can put in a word > that I turned the water on high so it drowned out his voice.  And he knows that when the shower is on full, all is lost !  I cannot hear him.

While the cold water drops chasing each other down the drain, I sat on the edge of the tub enjoying the last bit of the drama.  Some part I have to fast forward through because I don't have time for filler.  I'm just here for the action.  Min-hyuk and Yoon-jeong kissed !!!  yay !  I can go back to my rambunctious kids and husband now  ! 

I don't do this all the time, I mixed it up with other "movie watching schemes" I devised up :-)  I like to think that C is clueless about this but sadly, it's not true :-(  He knows me, knows exactly what I'm up do, he just let me get away with it !  thinking I'm smart and all !!!

 

Summer came and went, school is back in full session, marking an end of wedding season.  I love wedding !  watching 2 people making commitment of a life time together is pretty awesome.  In a world where many opted for "let's just move in together", wedding is all the more special for guest like me.

When I heard the pastor talk about marriage, how it's like a house that needs constant care, up keeping, cleaning, labouring, to keep in good shape, I am reminded to keep on tending my marriage.  To nourish, protect and defend it.

I thought my husband and I worked out all of our differences in our almost 10 years of dating.  Boy, was I ever wrong.  After we got married, one afternoon he went and sucked up my socks when he vacuumed the house.  I was beyond M.A.D !  I almost bust out my Ryu's Shoryuken on him.  How dare him ?  how DARE him ?  I put my socks on the floor, so what ?  no right for him to suck it up.  His take ?  if they are not in the dresser or laundry basket, it's open for judgement.  It took me weeks to get over it but get over it I did.  That was just 1 incident out of many in our 10 years of marriage.  Nowadays, I'm much less sloppy and he's a lot less of a clean freak :D

Marriage my friend, is when we choose to love the same person over and over and over again.  Our husband is not perfect, and he never will be !  Bummer, I know !  He will annoy us, provoke us, disappoint us, but he will also loves imperfect us to no end.  Don't give up too easily, and make divorce NOT an option.  Great relationship, great marriage, is the outcome of passing through the trials of life and stand the test of time with the same person.   Nothing awesome comes easily !!!

My cousin, once removed, just got married this past weekend. It was such a sweet and personal wedding.  Near the entrance way of the garden, the bride had put a message tree there and asked all the guests to hang up their wishes and advices for their marriage.  I hung 1 up but got too many to share.  I decided to write up a post on it to serve as reminder for me too ! 

Marriage is a lot of work, but the fruits of your labour will be pretty sweet.  This I know is true !

Below are what I learned (and still trying to hone them) through my 10 years of marriage.  I came from a family line of dominating women :-) who get the last say in all things, everything, so for me, compromising, is something I struggle with.   Here's my take on how to love, cherish and respect your husband:

Pray for him.  Your husband is one important person in your life, who you will do life with, make him your priority in prayer.  My husband brings out the worst and greatest in me, he's involved in all the details of my life, so in praying for him, I'm praying for me, for us.

Know his love language and communicate it often.  There are 5 love languages:  Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.  Discover what makes your husband feel loved and do it often.

Don't talk behind his back.  Ladies, I know we love to vent ! and for some of us, when we're frustrated, we trash talk our husband to release steam.  Venting is ok but in our anger, it's easy to make our husband appear to be a complete idiot or an ass.  Be careful with your words, because your friends don't know your relationship, don't live with you days in and out, don't reside in your brain :-( so even if he's a good man with an off day, they can't help but see him in the negative light you put him under.  Which sucks because most of the time he's awesome right ? 

Hubby and I are big time jokesters and I'm a bit of a sarcastic.  I like to tease my hubby and over exaggerated things in front of our friends.  One time I went a bit too far and hubby pulled me aside later and told me that what I said wasn't nice.  I told him our friends know us, know that I'm being sarcastic.  Yes our friends know us, he pointed out, but my friend's boyfriend doesn't !!!  Oh yeah, crap, I completely forgot about him.  Man, I just unintentionally made my husband out to be such a jerk  :-(  I went and told them I was just kidding but still, I should have been careful with my words.



Compliment your husband !  not that he needed them, but it's a nice feeling being recognized for our good work.  For me, to hear my kid tell me I'm "Superman", or my husband thank me for a good dinner, it's a lovely feeling.  I want the same for the people I love.  Just to reassure them that "yeah, you still got it !" :)

Our husbands need that assurance too.  Compliment him when you two are alone and when you're amongst friends - on the thoughtful things he did/does, like how he always take out the trash, the yummy dinner he made,  etc.  I know I like it whenever hubby compliment me in front of our friends.  It makes me feel like he's proud of me, that he's glad to be married to me.  It's a nice feeling and I want to reciprocate it. 

Please don't fake it or over-do it :-)  it should come from the heart, where it's real, genuine !  anything else is just pointless and annoying (to others).

Don't belittle him.  Don't make your husband feel like he's any less than important.  We're not in a relationship with our self, we're in a marriage with an equal partner.  Your husband plays the other main role in the movie of your marriage, and have just as much rights and voice as you.  It's important to compromise, to learn when to take the lead and when to take the back seat.  Yield to each other. Trust each other.

 

Say "Thank You", it goes a long way.  Be specific, like "thank you for..." and avoid "thanks for everything", it's too general.  A heart felt words of gratitude will make your husband's day.  I know it because I can see the big grin on my husband's face when I thanked him.  I didn't know such simple words can do that and wonder why I don't do it more often.  I know why, it's because I'm busy and a part of me feel he's just doing his duties of a husband :-(  But I thank people everyday, at work, coffee shop, restaurant, etc. why not to my love ?   *sigh* it's so easy to take them for granted right ladies ?  I'm trying to be mindful everyday so my husband knows that I appreciate him.

Correct privately.  One thing my husband and I agreed on doing when we were dating is that, we correct each other in private, never public.  We all have pride and it's important that we don't shoot down each other's pride in public.  If one of us said or did something unpleasant, we can discuss later when we're alone, out from watchful eyes, and discouraging lips.  By doing that, the person being "talked to" is more open to criticism, more susceptible to the other's views and suggestions.

Don't nag :-)  your husband is not a child and you not his mother.  Nagging not only annoys your husband, it will agitate you also.  Talk it out if it's an issue, other wise, repeating yourself doesn't do anyone any good.  If you think nagging will "change" your husband, hahaa, I got news for you :-)  no one change because someone nagged them ! 

I must confess, I'm a nagger !  I know, I hate naggers and I became one when I turned 30.  I turned into this annoying woman, who is so. not. fun to be around !  One day when I nagged and nagged my husband to turn off the TV, because no one is watching it.  He said me "I'm trying to finish this, what's the rush ?",  "what's the rush ?" I stopped in my track and asked myself, "yeah, what's the rush ?"  the TV isn't going anywhere.  I realized the problem of my nagging !  I want things done my way, right away.  I'm a bit of an impatience !  (I'm cringing while typing this)  Yike, I'm so demanding, so bossy.  It's so insensitive and inconsiderate of me !  Tell him to stop what he's doing and do what I asked, is like me saying to him, you're not important, I am and you must do what I say now.  I don't know why I just turn it off myself ?  I'm right there !!!  Unintentionally, I made myself superior and belittled him :-( not cool right !  I see the light !!!  I see the light ! 

Encourage your husband.  Our man can use a little support from us wife from time to time.  Being a husband, family and financial burden weight heavily on him.  Not that we put it on him, it's just how it is for men.  How do we support and encourage our husband so they feel appreciated and love ?  In our marriage, I try to point out his qualities, values I admire most.  Though I'm thankful for a lot of things he does for me and the girls, I try to focus on him as a person, on who he is, and not on what he does.  Affirm him on his strengths and characters.  My husband is a man of god, a gentleman with a good heart, and I want to let him know that.

Give grace.  Marriage cannot survive without grace.  I know of grace by Jesus dying on the cross to save me, loving me even though I don't deserve it.  So grace in my human definition, is doing/giving to others even when I feel they don't deserve it.  In my marriage, what does grace look like ?  it's being kind in my words, in my actions.  Grace is saying I'm sorry, is showing appreciation, gratitude.  It's about putting my husband before me sometime.  Grace doesn't keep record of wrongs, doesn't punish, doesn't 'settle the score'.  Grace is forgiving one another. 

The thing is grace is that, it's not something you do and call it "grace" !  Grace has to be from the depth of heart.  Giving without expecting anything in return.  It can not be fake, can not be mimicked.  I can "practice" grace all I want but if it doesn't flow naturally from the heart, it does nothing to better me or my relationships (marriage, friends, families).  I desire to be grace-full, hence I'm constantly seeking for grace from the One person I know who is full of grace, Jesus.  The more I am in His presence, in His grace, I feel loved as I am.  Knowing there's nothing I can do to loose His love, it's an indescribable incredible feeling.  I hope the grace I experienced will flow from me to my husband, my kids, my families, and anyone I come in contact with.

In my years of being married, one thing I know that worked out very well for us is that, no matter how upset, angry we are, we always keep our communication channel open.  Don't ever stop talking to each other.  Spending time together and communicating is how you learn about each other and grow as a couple.  Give each other the gift of time, and undivided attention.  Don't dismiss him because you're angry, you're tied up with the kids, you're busy, etc.  We're all "busy".  I know it's hard when you have kids.  Especially with us mom, after having a baby, the baby take center stage and our husband is somewhere way down on the list.  Don't forget your husband.  Make time for your husband.  He needs you, like you need him too.  He's your best friend, and best friends talk often :-) 

Blessing to your marriage,

 

My Love,

Well, as you are starting to read this you must be thinking, "Gee...this is something different" (hehehe). A letter from C? No way? since when? Yes it's true, from my heart. Can you believe it? 10 years or shall I say 19 years together? 10 years seems like a long time if you think about all the amazing accomplishments we have gone through and experienced. Mostly ups not very many downs I can think of in my mind. Just to recap on a few, 3 homes from Condo-Townhouse-House, multiple change of work offices, a few promotions like the big one I just got, a new church family (somewhat) and last but not least 2 beautiful daughters. What a ride we've been through. Looking at all these amazing changes, did you notice something that hasn't changed? Yes, we're still together! How awesome is that? To be continued.......

Part 2

Okay, now I can continue typing as we are sitting here with K at the dentist room (9:30am), what a brave 3 year old girl. Strong just like her father and brave like her mother.

Well it's been a decade but it's just the beginning of a new one, a new adventure together. You've been an awesome wife and mother, giving birth to two girls is amazing and I will never be able to sympathize with your experience. Also for putting up with my annoying accents, songs, laziness at times, dumb jokes, just to name a few, and I'm not naming everything just to keep this marriage in shape (hehehe). I appreciate everything you have done and endured, and there has been no day where I take you for granted even though I do not express it often. I have to admit, there is nothing in the world I can buy you to show you how much I appreciate you and love you. This is the reason I have a difficult time buying you a special gift, not just for a sake of a gift, but something that is sentimental and of value. Diamonds and gold or all the material things in this world will not express how much you mean to me.  After all, you are priceless! To be continued........

Part 3

On my way home and now I can continue my letter now! Honey, thank you for all the years of joy and happiness.  Your presence in my life is such a blessing and without you I would not have been able to focus on my career and success. You bring so much to my life, second to God of course ! Like I said, 10 years is just the beginning and we have a long time to make things better. I continue to look forward to our upcoming achievements and the success that will come with it, especially watching our 2 girls grow up and we can have each other back to our selves only. I love you with all my heart and I hope you enjoyed reading my little letter. After all the last time I wrote you anything was when we were dating!

Take a last look at this cover and remember our first date at this park!

This is truly a memory.......I LOVE YOU!

XOXOXO


When I saw the picture of the park, I started to cry.  It was where we went on our first date.  We were in our teens, and didn't want our first date to be at the mall or at an arcade.  I remember it was Saturday, a sunny warm summer Saturday.  We met at Surrey Central skytrain then rode it down to Main station.  C was wearing blue/green and white polo with baggy jeans.  I forgot what I was wearing :-(  We got off the station and walked to china town to pick up some bakery and snacks, lots of it.  After walking around checking out stuff, we went to look for a park near by (there was no google then :-) and this "park", Thornton, next to Main Street station, was the closest thing to it.  Green trees lined pathway with benches.  Perfect spot for a picnic and to talk.  We didn't stay long because I got a tummy ache from the hawthorn flakes C fed me (he loves them, my first time eating it) :-(

This letter alone was a perfect gift, I told C.  It's meaningful and holds more value than any of thing.  I've been re-reading it over and over again.  Yes, I remember our first date, the butterflies in my tummy, the warm sun, the smiles on C's face, the awkwardness of us, yup, I remember them all ! Funny how a simple picture can dig in and evoke, bring into life, so many old feelings and images. I also remember how awesome my boyfriend was and still is. 

He is some kind of wonderful !!! 

In less than 2 weeks is our 10th year anniversary.  Time flies when you married Mr. Fun.  There haven't yet been a dull day with Collin.  If we're bored he will come up with something to do !  Like a WWF or a MMA match (where I'm always the one ended up with a tini bruise or two).  Most often though, he likes to scare or annoy me.  Like the time he pretended he choked and stopped breathing, or turned off all the light and pretended to be a ghost, or rap horribly with vietnamese accent...he's always up to something.  Someday he would disappeared on me on a whim and let me go searching, yelling for him.  He likes spontaneous hide/seek game, and got our daughter to do it too !!  It might sound like I'm complaining but reality is, I really really REALLY like being married to C.  He's so fun to be with :D

We got engaged on Skaha Lake, Penticton.  Pic. taken after we both cried our eyes out !!!

As this year is a milestone for us, we have been planning for a trip to sunny Hawaii since spring.  We figured that baby Lovebug will be 6 months by August, she should do ok with flying, eating out at restaurant, chilling at the beach, etc, etc.  BUT came June, life and all it's unexpected gifts put that plan into a screeching halt.  Lovebug can sit and crawl at like 18 weeks :/ she's so active that eating out isn't so much fun for me (she only wants her mama).  I  dread going on a vacation where the very thought of eating at restaurant strike a fear in my heart :-(  Baby squirming, fussing, throwing toys around, and ultimately will shriek at the top of her lung.  I can picture C rushing to inhale his food, Kaila would get angry because she doesn't like to be hurried, and my dinner will surely get packed to go.  That, totally is NOT my idea of a vacation.

Along with Lovebug's advanced development, my hubby recently just became an associate of an architecture firm ! and can't take off for long as there's a project he needs to take care of.   I'm so happy for him because he's been so faithful and trusting in the Lord.  This is an answered prayer.  We can trace out the path that the Lord leads Collin on to where he is.  It's pretty amazing because He brought the right people into C's life to make things happened the way they did today.  Yes, timing could be better but it's alright, we'll make it work.

A tiny bit of me kind of feel bummed out that we can't be in Hawaii but secretly, a huge part of me thank the good Lord that I don't have to fly.  I'm terrified at the thought of being up in the air (beside a squirming baby).  And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that I'm 4 feet 11 & 3/4 of an inch.  It's just built into my being, in my fibers and I can't shake it off.  I have aerophobia !

So, the final question I have is, with all these blessings: an active 5 months who think she's 1, a husband with new career adventure, and team Truong is still going strong >> How do one go about celebrating these ?   Not sure what to do to make it extra special :(  My mom can take our 2 little monsters :) for about 4 hours.   We discussed what we like to do already but still need more ideas.  If you have some, please do share !!!  thank you in advance :)   

Sunny Father's day Sunday ! Bee went and gave C the card she and I made (painted with beet juice), and a Ben Holiday miniature house. Bee screamed (actually she just talk really really super duper loud) "happy father mother day daddy !".  He kissed all of us. We spent sometime looking for miniature furniture that we can furnish the mini house with, then C and Bee took off. They went out to do one of C's favorite thing, coffee and browsing HomeDepot.

After getting Lovebug and I ready, I picked some ripe fresh strawberries from our planter for Bee.  She inhaled them when she got home.  We all then packed up and went down to WhiteRock beach for a stroll and some gelato. Lovebug screamed the whole ride then slept the whole time at the beach !!! 

Dinner was spent with C's parents and we ended the evening with C taking me for a short ride on his new foldable bike.  It was short ride because it a wobbly ride.  He haven't rode a bike in years.  I'm sure it won't be long before he mastered it again.  I want a bike too !

My hubby flexed his muscles and asked "do I look bigger ?"  My heart skipped a beat.  Crap, it's that question again !  I never know how to answer it.  I have absolutely no clue how big his arms were 1 hour ago, before he went to the gym.  Do guy's muscles get blown up like a balloon after they hit the gym ?  Do they look obviously bigger that one supposed to notice the before and after ?  For the life of me, I can not tell. 

"Do I look bigger ?"  This question totally put me on the spot, like I'm a bad wife !  a wife who's not aware of the changes in her husband's physique.  How can I not know what my husband muscles looked like ?  It's not the first time C asked me this.  But it's been a long while since he asked me last.  My mind races through, trying to remember if he mentioned anything on his work out progress.  Was there any BREAKTHROUGH ?  I don't remember.  I would remember if he said it right ?  My memory isn't so strong now a day though :-(  oh boy !  I recently even made the effort to remind my brain to take a mental image of his arms, so I can comment on them.  You know, so I can be a good wife !  One that notice things, even little trivial things like muscles size. But crapola, I forgot to check him out !!!!  for the umtieth time I forgot !  Crapola !

Seeing that I didn't respond right away, hubby thought I didn't hear him, so he went to stand right in front of me, gleefully flexes and asks "so, do I look bigger ?  here, kiss it ?"  Seeing how happy he is, I can not bear to tell him I didn't notice any substantial gain.  They look fine.  The muscles are there, hanging tight onto the bones of his arms.  They look the same like yesterday, the day before, like 10 years ago.  I can't, for the life of me, notice whether they grew or shrunk :(  can't they just be the same ?  Can I just answer "it looks the same" ?  Would that be considered as a discouraging thing to say ???

I didn't notice the changes on his arms, but what I noticed though, is how flat and firm the skin on his tummy is.  They seems to look better by the day.  Maybe he's hungry ?  maybe he hasn't been fed for a while ?  It looks so flat, so empty.  Just then an image of my tummy flashes before me.  I wanted to cry.  My tummy always look full.  I longingly wish mine were some what like his.  Wishing that it doesn't hang out like a muffin top above my jeans.  It saddens me that no amount of sucking in can suck anything in.  I still wear my pregnancy clothes, though I'm no longer pregnant.  I still wait each day for my body to bounce back into its pre-baby weight.  But who am I kidding ?  it didn't go away after the first baby, there's no chance for the 2nd one.  I have to buy 2 sizes up.  Being an optimist, I still have a sliver of hope, that one day, I can fit into my old clothes again.

"It looks like your arms are a bit bigger ! " I decided and stated to my hubby while giving his puppies a peck.  He take in my words, his eyes twinkle, they light up brightly.  He then moved pass me to check himself out in front of the mirror in our hall way, looking all content and happy.  "Oh my love," I thought quietly "it takes so little to make you happy !  How cute and naïve you are !"  To be fair, though I have nothing to base on :-/  his arms do look big.  Using my common sense, I think an hour at the gym does make ones muscles grow bigger than before.  You know, like when we walk around a lot, our feet gets bigger, swollen within the hours.  Similar to that, when we work out our muscles, they get swollen for a short while and then will shrink back to its usual size.  Ahhh, but why bother with that bit, it's about "carpe diem" right now !  Let my love have his moment, enjoy his temporary swollen muscles.  Let the man dream.  Let he think that he's soon going to look like those guys on UFC, bulking his muscles on a diet of veggies, fish, kale chips and hemp hearts.  Being kind to my husband allowed me to be kind to myself.  Giving myself a chance to think that I too, by playing with my kids all day, I too will soon be fit & toned like Jillian Michaels (trainer on The Biggest Loser), all the while snacking daily on cheese, chocolate and ice cream.  Yummy !

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1

The day we brought Lovebug home, we knew she's a strong one !  When we took her out of the car seat, she would hold her head steadily as her eyes gazes around the room, her home.  By 1 month, we no longer have to support her neck.  She slept 5-6 hours straight with no diaper change.  She only pees at night and save all the yucky stuff for day time :-)  She loves to smile and would smile at anything and anyone.  By month 2, she was soothing herself with her thumb and would put herself to sleep.  By month 3, we no longer can keep her on her back.  She rolls over within minutes of us putting her down.  And she doesn't just roll over once, but 2 or 3 times.  In a span of 5 min. she would be within 3 feet from where I left her.  She's growing too fast !

As I watch Lovebug growing and developing each day, I was reminded of the bible verse Ecclesiastes 3.  I've read it many of times before and each time, something new comes out of it.  That's the beauty of God's Words.  There's always something new. 

There is indeed a time for everything under the heaven.  My blueberry brushes are flowering and soon will come in the fruits.  My figs are  growing and ripening under the warm sun.  My little baby is doing what a 3 month baby is supposed to be doing.  And recently, she's starting to kick her legs, lurching and trying to push herself forward.  In time she'll be crawling and before I know it, she would be tip toeing around our house, babbling strange words.  How do they do that ? just automatically do what they're supposed to do at certain month ?  It's simply amazing and awesome. 

Lovebug is laughing excitedly at me right now.  She loves to look at my face.  I can tell she loves me.  I love that she loves me.  Looking at her I'm just in awe of how wonderful and beautiful baby are made.  Like Psalm  139:14 said:  "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Yes, we all are wonderfully made by Him.  You are beautifully made.  You are the apple of His eyes.  You are loved by an incredible, incomparable God.  Appreciate, cherish, and value who you are.

Here is my one of my many favorite scriptures expanded from verse 1 to 14:

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

 

⁹ What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³ That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

........................................................................................

highlight of the day:  Honeybee told me today, around noon, while we were tending our little vegetables garden, "mommy, I love you mommy ! K happy K daughter mommy".  It is simply the best feeling in the world !

lip service :  an expression of agreement that is not supported by real conviction

I once know a guy who can pretty much talk any girl into liking him.  His personality is alright, ok look wise, doesn't have a lot going on, but boy oh boy, he can talk the hottest girl into going out on a date with him.  I'm often amaze at his ability and wonder what the others see in him.

I'm never a girl who buy into what people say to me.  I'm cautious when it comes to words, especially pretty words !  And what that friend of mine has is a huge vocabulary of words that can melt many girl's hearts.  He never has to do anything to gain their favour, he's just really all talk and it works pretty much most of the time !  It is very easy to take in sweet words (especially for many of us women, because we're hopelessly romantic), and believe they are true and meaningful.  With the right look, the right touch, paired with the right words, they have the ability to make a girl feels pretty, wanted, cared for and desired. 

Sincerity:  the virtue of one who speaks and acts truly about his/her own feelings, thoughts, and desires.

Here's how I see it, other than in the beginner boy/girl relationship, in our every day life, we all have done it > say what we don't mean to get what we want, to get others to agree with us, to get others to like us.  Being nice is way easier than being honest.  Being honest takes effort and sincerity.  And let's face it, sincerity is a rarity nowaday.  Pretentious people are a dime a dozen !  But being kind and nice doesn't mean you have to sugar coated your words before they leave your lips.  An honest suggestion or advice paired with heartfelt sincerity goes a long way.  It's much more appreciated !  at least by me anyways.

Proverbs 12:19 has this "Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment".  This quote talks about truth withstand times and lies are temporary dressed as "truth", and will be soon be unveiled as what it is.  It also talks about one's reputation too.  Can we be counted on to share our honest thoughts and opinions ?  are our words cheap and false or are they thoughtful, filled with love and encouragement ?  As a follower of Christ, I desire to be someone that is wise with words.  I pray God will continue to shape into a person that brings glory to Him.  I am guilty of occaisionally play down my true conviction, and at times, too honest, that my words are hard to digest.  But those who know me, know my heart harbor no ill intentions.  

There's a woman I once know, who would shower me with compliments whenever we crossed path.  Even on days I look so crappy and I know it, yet she still find ways to compliment my look.  I noticed though, that her eyes aren't agreeing with her lips.  Perhaps that's the reason why we never got pass more than "aquaintance".  I never taken any of her comments to heart because, 1, it's careless, recycled compliments :-(  and 2, it's so misleading !!!  To tell anyone anything far from the truth is detrimental to the person receiving it, in my opinion.

So, how do you shift through the knocked off to find the genuine ?  The best way to know if someone is worth your time and frienship is to pay attention to their action.  Because actions are good indicators of who the person truly is.  They are motivated by what the person is convinced is true in their heart.  How they think of you is shown through their action.  Sure someone can fake it too but rarely can they keep it up.  Like a verse, "a lying tongue lasts only a moment".  Their true face will always ALWAYS come out into light - if you care to pay attention.