It's amazing how over night the fog in my mind cleared up, and I see things for what they are, with so much clarity.  Thank you to all those who sent me their prayers and advices.  I really appreciate them.

So, where to begin friends ?  Let me start with the reason why I wrote my last post:

- I miss going to a church where I know everyone there
- I miss that I can come up to anyone of you and talk about anything
- I miss eating our Pho? noodle lunch
- I miss Mark doing some kind of cartwheel somewhere behind a church pew and fall
- I miss the kids crawling around, running wild, everywhere, all over church

I miss being with you in a nice comfortable environment.  We were a good silly bunch of people weren't we ?  Many of us grew up together, so in a way, you're an extension of my family. 

It's heart breaking when a "family" no longer gets together.  I feel it.  I'm grieving it.  It's hard on me because I've been there from the beginning.  I still have the letter I wrote up to the church board, pleading with them to let us have our own English service.  That's was over 15 years ago.

Many changes took place over the course of the years.  Many came and many left.  The same few people makes up the advisory board.  If you look back, look at the boarder picture, we didn't take care of our "church".  Church here isn't the building, nor the people who attend it, but the whole intangible being, the body of Christ.  We didn't take care of it.  If we care, things would look a lot different than now.  We can barely show up on time, friends. 

When I look pass all the niceties, I can see that we were too comfortable.  Our branches were slowly branching away from the vine, which is Christ Jesus.  Sharing Christ, living for Christ wasn't the main goal, the main vision for many of us.  In a church of only a few, that is a significant number.  We waited for our pastor to start everything and support only when asked.  We lack initiative.  We lacked it because deep inside, we don't care.  That's the harsh reality.  Our church was being tended by one person, one exhausted person.  If we were a company, we would have been bankrupt a long long time ago.

I'm quite confident that Christ has a grand plan for each of us.  He took us out of our comfort zone so we can grow.  He sees that together we were lazy :-)  relying on each other, depending on each other.  Now that we're on our own, like an independent child, we will have to take that first step, to find Him, to seek Him.  Our faith needs to grow so we can endure the race that is set before us.  Christ wants us to be rooted in Him. 

I know I'm discouraged at the moment.  As much as I want to sit in my comfortable home, reasoned that I don't like feeling "uncomfortable" and sulk.  I know I can't give up meeting.  My Sundays are for praising God.  No matter how I reasoned, Sunday is my day for Christ.  Period.

Christ is every where, not contained within building walls.  And yesterday, while I was attending church, we sang a song about being a part of Christ's family.  It was a reminder I needed, and maybe, a reminder for you too, that any church we go to, we're among family.  In Christ, we are a family.  I always feel a connection whenever I meet a Christian.  Because there's an invisible string, that is our Lord, that connects us together.  It's pretty awesome. 

I don't want the "same" church.  It wasn't working, the whole church within church concept, was not working.  It hindered us.  We were taking out of there for a reason.  Christ wants us to grow, to broaden our eyes, to be encouraged, to be brave, to be a warrior for Christ.  We're no longer infant, we need to stand on our own, with only Christ leading us. 

What I miss most, I realized, is you.  We should do Pho? noodle get together every once in a while :) 

My prayer is with you.  I deeply hope you will find a place where you fit in, where you can serve.  While searching though, please please don't give up not attending church altogether.  Once you make it into a habit, it will be harder to break.  Also, most churches start early in the morning, unlike our afternoon service.  It will take some effort.  A lot of effort.  Ahh, but being a Christian is never about "convenience" !  He's funny that way !  that Jesus !  But He's worth every ounce.  Trust Him. 
                                               

My mom loves to knit.  Here's one of her creation for baby Lovebug !  I'm thankful for the gift.

 

We've been church hopping for a while now.  It's hard.  The place where we're at, not having a church home, is a tough place.  One time we missed 2 Sundays back to back because we woke up late.  We meant to stay in bed longer.  We both know we didn't want to go because we feel no desire to go.  We can't decide where to go.  All the ones we went to are good, it's us the problem.  We just don't feel like we're at "home".  We know of only 1 church our whole lives and to move on take some time. 

Comfort aside, there's another thing.  We're not settling in any church, not because we didn't find a "right" church, but because we want to do nothing.  We want to be bystanders.  We want to sit back and enjoy the "feeling" of being guest attendees.  Many people are doing that, why can't we?

Some day, it's easy to forego church altogether.  Another free day (on top of Saturday) to do whatever we want, sleep in, shopping, eating, etc.  We don't have to wake up early for church, which means we can stay up as late as we want the night before.  Yay !

No home church, no commitment, no need to fellowship.  No fellowship, you don't know about others, or have to care for others.

The thing about making a church your "home" church is that, you will start to care about it.  You will start to care about it's programs, the décor, their events, the communities they're reaching out to, the people they're helping, etc.  Then you want to get involved, want to lend a hand, want to help out.  In time, you will be investing your time, your effort and money.  Next thing you know, you will feel like your weekend is gone !  because you spent it mostly doing "church" stuff.

I can write whatever, make up all kind of excuses, but the thing is, deep down, where it mattered, I love caring for people.  I never once regret a day serving God or feel that my weekend was robbed from me.  All the time and effort I invested in doing God's work had brought me great joy.  He made my life purposeful.  It's the best thing that ever happened to my husband and I.  We were busy, but were very happy.  We don't like to be observers.  We always want to be participants.  God has long ago put that desire in our hearts.  We've been serving since we were teens.  There's a plan you see, a purpose for us.  We've always know of our purpose.  We've always made ourselves open for God's plan.  Until recently.

I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing.  Maybe we're feeling lost ?  We're going through withdrawal of our old church ?  I know I feel some resentment on that still.   I feel that I might never again be "comfortable" at another church.  I feel melancholic at time.  I miss the feeling of knowing everyone's name, their history, who's related to who.  I miss the church's annual special events, our pot luck dinners, and our giggles.   It's hard moving on from a comfort zone.  A part of me also know that, that "comfort zone" wasn't a healthy one.  Spiritually, we were all sluggish.  I can see all the grey hairs we added onto our young pastor's head.  I'm thankful for him.  Only now that I'm outside I can see what he's seeing, can see that there were a lot of stuff going on that stumped us from flourishing.  God definitely has a different plan for all of us.  Plan to better us, and not to harm us.  Still, it isn't easy moving out of the familiar.

Moving on we must.  We don't want to give up meeting with others.  We know it's not good to.  We need a break though.  We think....

We tell ourselves "it's great not to be part of any church" !  But inside, when we both silent out our thoughts, we can feel it.  It sucks.  This annoying pull in the gut.  Like when you're anxious about something.  Like you're supposed to do something but you're not.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do.  Correction, I know what I'm supposed to do.  I just don't want to do it.  It sucks.

We are never going to be truly happy are we God ?  I know it as I write this.  I have everything.  I have you Lord, I got love, family, extended families, friends, food and shelter.  Material things ?  oh I bought myself a lot of that too.  I tried to distract myself.  How naïve am I.  Something isn't right and it's eating me up inside.  I know I need to connect, need a church family.  I know You Lord, I know You want us to care for others, and You also want us to be cared for by others.  Lord, are You always this persistent ?  Chasing after me.  Where can I run from you ?  I know I'm being a "Jonah" but it is what it is.  For now.....

tied up with a bow !

folded to resemble a bag :-)

 

A friend recently gave birth and amongst the gifts for her precious little boy, I sew up a nursing cover for her.  Buying gift is fun but I found when making something for a friend, it feels special.  I enjoy the process very much.  I love my cover and have used it countless times.  It's so convenience when you're out and baby is fussy, wanting to feed.  I've used it to discreetly breastfeed my daughter at restaurants, shopping centers, church, relatives/friends' home, parks, and other public places.  I hope she will like the prints and enjoy it as much as I did. 

I've been on the hunt for leather shoes and booties size 5.  Ones that are comfortable & versatile that I can wear from sunrise to sunset.  It's hard enough locating a 5, I noticed also that leather shoes is becoming harder and harder to come by !  I've been online browsing for weeks now and got little luck.  I'm also on a budget, I gave myself a 200 quid allowance to spend on shoes.  And also, as a deal with hubby, any shoes I buy, I have to donate at least 1 old one to salvation army (because my shoes hoarding are taking over our garage). 


Yesterday, I saw a few nice ones, all leather, at Zara.com/ca but I probably want to come in and try them on as I never bought shoes from them before.  Are you as surprise as me ?  I didn't know Zara carry size 5 shoes, in both the Women's  and TRF ("young women") sections. 


Here are what I got my eyes on, the max heel height I can wear is ~ 2 inches.  I don't know about you, but I feel a bit sad realizing my style now somewhat matches my age :-(  I'm all about comfort now and I even dress depending on weather !  Man, it sucks knowing I'm no longer forever21 ....

 

 

 

These are nice but the heels are a bit high for me, I'm on the fence on them ....

 

 

These below are pretty sleek and chic ! I can only admire them as I can't see me walking in them.  If I do, my body will be slanted, like Michael Jackson's anti-gravity lean dance move :D

 

 



 

If you're looking for that perfect pair of shoes or booties, here's some info. I found during my search:

• Browns Shoes > they got really nice leather shoes and is having a sale BUT their price is on the higher end.  The nice shoes are $200+
• Aldo > good old Aldo always have decent leather shoes for decent prices (just remember to read the label as they are starting to stock up on synthetic leather :-(
• Le Chateau > they have a designer shoes section and an Italian boutique section, no 5 though !
• RW & co > this one was a surprise !  I was looking for leggings and noticed they sell shoes online.  Smallest is a 6 !  bummer !
• Zara > was looking for sweater, noticed their shoes section and decided to look into it.  Wow, they got some cute shoes and all leather to boot ! 
• The Bay >  As you probably know, the Bay has been going through a lot of changes in the past few years.  They are aiming to be the "Nordstrom" of Canada.  It's about time as we lack quality department store here.  The Bay is changing for the better !  I heart their shoes floor in downtown Vancouver.  They got some pretty pretty shoes !  Many I won't wear as the heels are too high, but it's fun gawking at them !!!  Any who, moving on, the Bay is  having a great sale going on right now on boots !!!  They don't carry many size 5 :-(  I hate my small feet !!!

If you're looking for fall/winter shoes, now is the time to buy !  good luck on finding your size.

 

I've got a few emails from people saying they don't know how to leave a comment on my post.  After looking over at my blog, I realized not too many people know that the main page is a summary page so to leave a comment, they need to browse to the actual post OR click on the No Comments at the footer of the page to post something.  It's so tricky so I decided to change it !

- First, you need to go into Template > click on Edit HTML (a menu will open up like one below)
- Then click on the Format template tab at the top to view all the codes

- Click anywhere inside the code window
- The press Ctrl button together with the F key button to display the Search window
- Type in the text below in the search box and press Enter

<data:post.commentLabelFull/>
:

- There should be 3 instances of them, change it on the 2nd occurrence.  Look at the code line # to determine which is the 2nd occurrence.  Delete "<data:post.commentLabelFull/>:" and put in whatever word or phrase you want !  I changed mine to Leave a Comment.  Any question please leave me a comment below.

*Note:  FYI, I use the Simple blogger template and edited the code to my liking.

"Human beings judge one another by their external actions. God judges them by their moral choices. When a neurotic who has a pathological horror of cats forces himself to pick up a cat for some good reason, it is quite possible that in God's eyes he has shown more courage than a healthy man may have shown in winning the V.C. When a man who has been perverted from his youth and taught that cruelty is the right thing, does some tiny little kindness, or refrains from some cruelty he might have committed, and thereby, perhaps, risks being sneered at by his companions, he may, in God's eyes, be doing more than you and I would do if we gave up life itself for a friend.

It is as well to put this the other way round. Some of us who seem quite nice people may, in fact, have made so little use of a good heredity and a good upbringing that we are really worse than those whom we regard as friends. Can we be quite certain how we should have behaved if we had been saddled with the psychological outfit, and then with the bad upbringing, and then with the power, say, of Himmler? That is why Christians are told not to judge. We see only the results which a man's choices make out of his raw material. But God does not judge him on the raw material at all, but on what he has done with it. Most of the man's psychological make-up is probably due to his body: when his body dies all that will fall off him, and the real central man, the thing that chose, that made the best or worst of this material, will stand naked. All sorts of nice things which we thought our own, but which were really due to good digestion, will fall off some of us: all sorts of nasty things which were due to complexes or bad health will fall off others. We shall then, for the first time, see every one as he really was. There will be surprises."

C.S. Lewis
except from Mere Christianity