Kaila is now 1 and 1/2. She is wise beyond her years me think ! She can signs 1 1/2 (my mom's own sign language), and can say words like "yeah", "wow", "beep beep", "shhh", "ba ba", "nose", "cheese". If asked, she can point out her nose, mouth, mama, dada, Toby and ba (grandma). I often ask her to help me do the laundry. I would say "Kaila please bring your stuff for wash" and she would pick up her stuff and put in the laundry basket. It's so cute.

I feel like I can ask her anything and she would response. I think it's amazing how human develops. One day she can't barely said anything and the next morning, words would flow out of her. Well, baby language not "real" words. I wanted to teach her sign language but I think it's too late. She points out to me what she wants. If she wants to eat she'll lead me to the fridge and point at either milk or cheese or whatever fruits we have. When we're eating dinner, she would point at the food she wants to eat then look at me, open her mouth and point at it, as in "feed me". I don't see the need for sign language if she knows exactly what to tell me to do for her :-)

At the moment, Collin and I feel like we're her, for the lack of a better descriptive word, slave :) All day she would boss us around, making C going up and down the slide, then when she sits on him, she expects full attention and if he looks pass her at the tv, she would pull on his chin to turn his face to her and smile !  she also make him eat whatever she feeds him,

As for me, she always want to be held, to cuddle with. I'm OK with that. She would point to the bathtub every time we pass it and go "swosssh", like the sound of water. She loves to play with the water in the tub. When she's cranky I would put her in there with a small bucket of water and she'll entertain herself for at least an hour. Her new thing is drawing. She would draw and draw, flip over the pages and draw some more. Yesterday she was at it for 2 hours. It was awesome because it allows Collin and I time for ourselves - me washing dishes and him cleaning the kitchen :-)

At 1 and a half, Kaila is quite a girlie girl. She wants me to do her hair, put on dresses, and anything sparkly like shoes or bows. She would run to the mirror after I'm done and stare at herself !  She makes all kinds of faces and has the biggest smile on.

She likes her cartoons. In the morning we like to watch our news channel but the other day she gave us the remote control and point at it, as in "please change to the cartoon channel". I told her No, mommy want to watch this and she cried. She thew herself on the bed, head down and sob. Then feeling that I won't give in, she took the remote and try to change it herself. It didn't work but was worth a try, smart cookie !

I knew I lost his attention the moment she came cruising by, in her slim body and glossy hair.  I can see her  reflection in his eyes as he follow her every moves.  It's not the first time it happened.  How many times I don't know exact but surely more than I can count on my fingers and toes.

I wonder if he knows I know about this > let's call it > "addiction" of his ?  Being with him for so long, I can read his body language, see through his words and thinking like the I know the sun spots on my cheek !  None ever go unnoticed.  Many of times I can finish his sentence, singing outloud the same tune he's singing in his head and we both will laugh in awe of it.  So when his focus moveover from me to another, trust me, I know.

Often I wonder which one of those beautiful creatures are his type ?  there's the red head, the mean tough looking ebony body, the sassy slim white, the quiet, the loud, the short, the tall, the conversative type, the fancy bling bling, some old, some young...it seems he likes them all.  Whether they're passing by or standing still, they seem to be uneffected by his burning stare - yes stare, not glant, not peek, not a passing over, but a blunt stare !  I think they're used to be gawked at.  Only the person they're with seem to have that satisfying look on their face, the kind that say "I got what you want".

Every year we would go to a show so he can check out the latest models.  You wonder if I''m jealous ?  no not really.  I don't care much for them as they're not married to him, I am, so they got nothing on me.  I would tag along while he ooohh and aaaah from one body to the next.  I must admit some of them got really nice skin, smooth, perfect from every angle, no blemish, no acne scar, and many has a shimmering flecks of golds and silvers on their body.  Yes I won't lie, a few are quite gorgeous, no wonder men, and probably women too, want to covet them.

About a month ago, unannounced, he brought a white girl home.  I wasn't surprise.  Because I know him so I think mentally I was already prepared for this day to come.  I glanced out the window so see what she looks like when he walks her to our house.  She's alright.  Kinda petite and ordinary.  Nothing about her stands out to me except for the charm she wore on her neck.  I bet he's already planning a shopping spree for her.  Mark my word.

That night while I wait for him to come to bed, because he told me he is, he never came.  It's not like him so I went and search all over our house.  No sign of him.  Intuition told me to look outside and there he is, sitting with her in the dark, in the shadow of our maple tree.  Then he got out, ran his hand on her body, checking for imperfection, scratches or marks I believe. He has a big smile on his face.  I got annoyed so I shut the blind.

In all the days followed all I hear is her name and what he brought or planning to buy for her.  I wanted to run out and scratch all over her face just to shut him up.  I don't care if he's spending our money, just stop talking about her already !!!


Rain or shine, cold or warm, he would bathe her or spray her down after a ride.  Every Saturday they would go out for coffee together.  On nice day he would take her out for a ride even though they got no where to go.  Just like that, they would flirt in and out of our drive way, embracing each other in the hot sun or the pouring rain, while our daughter and I look on them from our window upstairs.  I should be upset but I'm not. Mercedes, her name, makes him happy and as one who loves him deeply, want him to be happy, I decided to let him be with her.  We just have to learn to share him.  She knows though, that I get to call all the shot so if she's misbehaving, she'll be taken to the dealer.

Why is it that everyone assumed because I'm pale I want to get a tan ? or should get a tan ? Does it ever occur to people that I actually don't care ? yeah, I like myself pasty white ! *insert audible gasp here* you can't believe it I know !!! and fyi, the correct word is FAIR skin. Haven't you heard ? Tanning is no longer in, it's so out with the recent rising cases of skin cancer. If you want to fake it or out baking your skin golden please go right ahead just please don't judge my skin. I know I'm pale, don't have to remind me. It's ok. I'm OK with it. Don't feel bad for me. I'm not unhappy that I'm fair. Much like you're not sad that you're not as pretty as *insert name whom you think is gorgeous here*. Also, thought I let you know that my health is in top shape despite my whiteness.

So, you are now thinking, "why does she like being fair ? so unhealthy looking", again, I'm healthy and are you that ignorant that you can't accept there are FAIR skin people in this world and that we're happy with it ? We are who we are ! No I'm not one of those vampirer asian that wears visor and gloves on sunny days to avoid being touched by sunlight. I'm a sun worshipper through and through. And no I don't believe in being white is royalty either (according many older generation vietnamese who believes white skin is high class and tanned is lower social class). I am fair because my mama is fair. God made us this way.  Our skin color is perfect fine.

Contrary to the impression my skin is giving out, sun deficiency, I love sunlight and do get out soaking it whenever it decides to make an appearance on the west coast.  My skin just don't TAN.  It's really hard for it to get that toasty brown tint of color. And I don't want to force it either you know, spending hours and hours to age my skin, make it leathery, cover it with sun spots and risk getting cancer. I care about my wellbeing, inside and out more than looking good temporary to whoever that set the standard that dark meat is better than white. I have bigger fish to fry than worrying about trivial thing like changing my skin color. When it's bright out I know I'm glowing white but that's just the way it is friends. I am what I am, winter, spring, summer and fall, as white as casper. Right now, for the first time in a long time, my skin is nice, not flawless, but nice enough that I can leave it bare and I want to keep it like this. Can't you, please for the sake of humanity, just leave my skin alone ? If my whiteness blinds you, turn away ! I do this to ignorant people all the time !!!

Our church small group is on chapter 13 of the book Revelation.  Contrary to what is known to many, Revelation is not about predicting what's to come but rather an unveiling of many things that already happened. 

Revelation reveals that we're always living in an end time - to me I always think that anyways because we never know when our last day is, yeah, unfortunately, unless we decide take our own lives which I do not recommend :D  So what's the Great Expectation ?  His return and that's all because everything else happened already !!!  There's no clue, no calendar to check.  Just stay faithful and live the life you're called to live.

Tonight, after our many many off topic discussions and laughers, we managed to fit in some solid bible study.  Rather than us just sitting there and listen to what he has to say, Jeremy would throw out questions, getting all of us involve in examining the passage !  I found this to really help motivate us - whom are like eager surgeons - carefully disecting the verse in all possible ways, exploring every nooks and cranies, sharing our findings on what we think the writer is saying.  I especially like this chapter because I've always been curious about the End Time stuff.  What's up with all the Seals, the Lion, the Witnesses, the Dragon, who's the woman ?  what's with the crowns ???  Revelation once was a difficult book to read but not anymore !!!  We would go through each verse line by line, digging deep to look for metraphor or juxtaposition, search for previous references of it in other books (of course our pastor did the load of the work for us !) and all the while going ooohs and aaahhhs because our "eyes" are unveiled to something new.

Somewhere in the mid of the chapter, Kaila rubbed her eyes, her cue to let me know that she's sleepy. I took her to bed and while rocking her, I ache to be out there were the laughter and animated voices are.  I want to hear what the verse is referring to, what does it mean, what are they laughing about, what I'm missing out.  Any why isn't Kaila asleep ?  she's an easy sleeper who's usually out within 2 min..  I ran my fingers across the forehead and down her nose to make her sleepy.  She would close her eyes then open them wide again when I stop.  After a few times it dawned to me that my zealous heart is beating so fast it's keeping her up.  I smile and calm myself down, breathe and exhale slowly.  And next thing I know, she's out like a rock !

I really enjoy small group.  I learn so much from it and it's a great place to connect with other fellow church goers.  If you want to learn and dig deep into the bible, I highly recommend you to check out a small/cell group.

Dear love,

I remember seeing your face when our baby was born.  You were so proud and amazed when you saw her.  I know how you feel, we were the luckiest people in the world to be parents to this precious girl.  While I was in and out of sleep from exhausion after giving birth, thank you for tending to Kaila, holding her, changing her, comforting her and checking on her when she's asleep.  I know you didn't sleep at all and finally after days of not sleep, your body can't handle it no more and have to get some eyes shut.  I know you weren't really sleeping because you would ask me every so often with restless voice "how's Kaila?"

I love seeing you hug and kiss her before heading off the work or when you first come home, all the while she's wiggling out of your embrace (your facial hair tickles her).  You have a great gift at entertaining her !  your singing, rapping (we both agreed it's not your strongest gift :-) and your made-up story endings !  I know our time with her are precious.  I agreed that it sucks doing errands on weeknight.  Everytime you have to do it, I can hear your footsteps rushing up the stairs, hoping she's not asleep so you can spend some time with her.  Sorry, I can't keep her awake a bit longer !  you know how much she likes her beauty sleep. 

You know, one of my most favourite time of the week is Saturday morning. When you and Kaila play away on the piano.  Then somewhere after a few songs she would slide off your lap and goes to the guitar, running her fingers through the strings.  She inherited that from you, pretty soon she would want to play all sorts of instruments.  I pray she's like you not just in her love for music but I hope she will have your confident, your strength, your jack of all trades abilities from fixing up the house to cars to planting a garden to sew the button on your shirt, and most of all, I hope she will look up to you and have the same uncompromised faith in the Lord.  I'm so thankful for you ! 

On this special day, on behalf of Kaila, thank you for being such a wondeful father to her.  I'm very proud to be your wifey !

The weather is still very cool for June.  This time last year I was out at the beach BBQing and tanning, soaking in a lot of sun.  It's rare to see those golden ray of lights nowaday.  My collection of cardis have seen daylight time than ever before. 

Collin called at lunch to talk.  I realized we talked almost everyday during lunch since we got first job, over 10 years ago.  Our conversation is pretty much the same everyday but he calls everyday, whether I was home or at work.  Today I was a bit busy when he called so I was half listening half working.  He told me about a small group meeting we had a while back, when Jeremy talked about relationships and said how we all, if we're honest with ourselves, have at least once give thought about what it's like to be with someone else.  I told Collin "yup, everyone does" as I respond to some work emails (I'm multitasking queen) and wait for him to tell me his "someone", Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie, someone at Starbucks, etc.  Collin said to me "you know, I sat here trying to think about it and I never thought of wanting to be with anyone else.  It just never crossed my mind.  I was crazy about you in highschool and all I want to be is with you".  I didn't know what to say to him.  I got teary though.  I told him I'm sorry I had a crush on Gerald Butler's character on Dear Frankie and PS. I love you (not so much on 300).  We laughed about it then say our goodbyes.  After I hung up, I stop what I was doing to let it fully soak in what my husband just said to me.  He's pretty cool. 

My husband and I are both old souls !  People who meet us for the first time would never guessed it but we're quite traditional.  We know it and we've come to accept this about us. 

When a friend told me he's having his b-day party at a strip club I politely decline.  He didn't think much of it and didn't ask why, assuming I was busy.  Thing is, I never seen a stripper and I never would want to.  It's just not for me.  I'm that old school.  Whether it's men or women, I feel I devalue them when I view their body as object of entertainment or for self gratification.  The comment that it's a social thing or a "just for fun" doesn't fly with me.  But that's just me and no I don't see the need to apologize if I offended you.

My husband never been to a strip joint either.  I never asked him why, it's just it's something we both choose not to do on our own.  We never talk about it, never see the need to.  Until when we're in our mid 20s and friends one by one are getting married and guess where the stag/staggette took place ?  strip club !  that's when we started to share with each other how we feel about it !  Funny considering we're dated for so long and married for a while too.  I told him it's just a place I don't want to be in, it doesn't feel right.  He told me he feels it degrades women and he's disturbed to be in a place with a bunch of aroused men.  As a man, he told me, you cannot escape being turned on, it's how man are made.  Whether it's a naked woman on tv or on the stage, unless you're not at all interested in women, you will get aroused by it, no matter how many times you see it.  Men has to make that decission (to watch or not) by themselves.  It's something women can't understand.  For him, he doesn't want me have to go through that (knowing that he's being turned on by someone else) because those are special things we shared.  We left it as that.  I didn't care and think much of it then but as I get older, more mature and intune with myself as a woman, and now a mom of a girl, I'm very thankful for his consideration of me. 

A lot of people would disagreed with us and it's ok.  Everybody is different, every couple is different, every marriage has their own dynamics, and this is us.  We're in an open relationship where we're free to do everything we want but we choose not to do everything.  Everything is permissible but not everything is benneficial, not everything is constructive.  God gave us wisdom to choose how we want to live our life and this is our choice.  We try to live a life that is pleasing to God and to be strong role models for our children.

Being a mom, I pray Kaila will be headstrong and resist the pressure to be conformed to the environment around her.  I hope she will swim against the stream and not let the mass dictates the direction of her life.   I want her to be confident, to appreciate who she is, embrace her differences and above all, I want her to know and love God.  As I'm learning to be a parent, my goal is to love her with a tough love while proving to her that she can never loose my love.  But I know there will be areas where I will fail as a mom, I don't know everything, and will not do everything right, but I'm glad the Lord remains steadfast and true.  As long as Kaila know and trust in Him, I can rest knowing she's in good hands.