Right behind me is where Bee likes to be whenever we're in a new environment.  She would hold onto me hand, freeze on the spot, and peer out at the other kids from my side.  Other moms and kids would smile at her, some approached her and said "hi".  I would nudge her to say "hi" back but nothing came from her.  I would respond to them in her place, "she's a little shy" and they nodded back at me as if understood.

English is my 2nd language, shy in Vietnamese can be taken as "quiet, cautious" and the other meaning is "embarrass".  To me it doesn't have a negative connotation.  However, after repeating it a few times, I realized I accidentally labeled my daughter, just so that I can explain to other why she doesn't respond to them.  I unintentionally gave Bee a "disorder" :-(  I felt horrible.  Bee has no issue.  She just need time to warm up to people.  She's cautious of her surrounding, of who's around.  She likes to observe people before opening herself up to them.  Which is a very good trait to have.  She told me she doesn't want to talk to people she doesn't know.  She said "I don't know them, they are strangers !"  Another excellent point !  and this is where I fail her :-(

I taught Bee about strangers, to avoid them, don't talk to them, and then here I am, unintentionally making her talk to people she deemed "strangers".  They aren't my friends or family so yes they are strangers to us.  She's too young to understand that it's ok to have a conversation with someone at the playground or on the transit or in a line up.  It all depends on the situation.  For now, at her age, I rather her treat them as strangers and stay away.

Lately I've just let her be.  She doesn't have to say "hi" if she doesn't want to.  When she doesn't respond to others, I don't feel the need to answer to them or say anything to Bee.  I need to respect her choice, the little control she has in her life.  Sometime someone will say to us "oh she's shy", I would just smile and say "she just doesn't know you".  It's been working well for us.  She doesn't feel she needs to answer them or to me !  Parenting is hard y'all !  I learn something new everyday.

An uneventful afternoon at home and I was in the that "nesting" mood where I feel the need to get the house in order while I am still able, before I get too big with this baby.  

I was cleaning the kids room and realized pretty soon the girls will need to sleep in here and no longer with us.  The Kura bed we have will need to be flipped over to a bunk bed !  I called C in and told him my plan.  And he's like "right now" and I told him why not ?  We're just lounging around anyways, if we get it done now it's one thing less to do later on.  

He grudgingly agreed and within minutes we flipped the bed over !  He did the moving, I did the unscrewing of all the planks, etc and together we put it all back together.  That was easily accomplished !  

The Kura bed is probably the lowest bunk bed in the sea of bunk beds.  Still, a part of me feel uneasy about the girls up there playing.  I pictured them playing and fighting over toys and one accidentally pushed the other off :-O  it didn't sit well with me so I decided to google up ideas to raised the front side of the bed (the other sides are up against the wall).  I typed in "Kura bed makeover" and oh my, there were so many ideas !  I discovered the world of ikea hacks - when people modified the original ikea furniture into something else.  

After hours of browsing (there're so many cool designs), I thought a boat look with circle fish eye windows would be cool for the girls !  I shared the idea with C but he said we don't have the tools to do it.  I asked him what would be easy to do and he said maybe a tree house, as we need the side high enough to block the kids in.  Beggar can't be chooser so I said to him "let's do it!".  Again he asked me, "right now?" :) I looked at him and said, "well, our baby is coming in about 4 months and we need time to train the girls to sleep in their room".  And I added he can sleep in there too if he wants a good night of sleep !  He looked at me and said "You're always up to something !  You can't just rest can't you ?".  I would if I'm now not stuck with this idea, of what the bunk bed can become :-)

C drew a rough plan and we changed it like 10 times to make it easily achievable, because we (mostly I :-) want to finish it that afternoon.  I'm most impatient when it comes to projects.  If it can't be done within the day then I wouldn't do it.  For this project, we will not have a full on tree house, no fancy fence, fancy windows, green planters, slanted roof, and cute doors.  We're just going to put up a facade of a house.  After agreeing on the final look, C then left for Home Depot to pick up wood planks and nails.  We have a wood cutter, sander and cordless electric screwdriver already so that helped speed up the work.

C called from the store and asked what type of wood I want.  I told him untreated and preferrable cheapest as we've never done anything like this before.  Just in case it doesn't turned out the way we planned, we can salvage the wood for something else and not waste money.

We bought:

Wood type:  Pine
Front coverage:  1" x 6" by 8 feet high planks (about $8 for 1 plank, we bought 13, you might need more or less depending on area of coverage and design)
Trimming: 1" x 3" (C uses this to make the frame and keep the pieces together)
Nails - 2 types,  1 about 1 3/4" long to keep the frame together and 1 that's about 2 3/4" long to screw the frame onto the Kura bed frame.  C kept all his nails about 2" apart.

After an hour of measuring and cutting and another hour or so of nailing and smoothing out any uneven areas and putting pieces together in the garage to see how they all fit together, C happily announced we can now try to install it to the bed.  I was more excited than the kids !  And the kids were screaming with joy.  I had to move them to another room because they wanted to help with everything and were in our way so much.  

Here is the semi finished look.  It's semi because the next part is to paint it (we should have paint each plank first but I was way way too excited, I can't wait for that).  

Once up, C thought of putting a roof on top but I feel it might darken the space so we forego it. We raised the front railing by twice the Kura's height and covered half of the other side of the bed with planks so that we can put in storage shelves (inside) for Bee because she likes spaces for toys and books.  We used Ikea's wood spice racks as book shelves.

The house facade serves nicely as a safety barrier for our kids !  Our 2 1/2 year old can climb up to the top bed easily and the side is high enough that she can't falls over. So far it serves it's purpose and very sturdy.  C did an excellent job :-)  He said he would make a cooler tree house if I didn't rush him.  I told him it's nice as is and most importantly, the kids love it.

The girls play house on it often and use the windows as a drive through restaurant.  The bottom bed is their "food preparation" area and the top is their store front.  We read in here, play in here and when the girls are upset, they buried their head in their blanket crying.  It's their place of refuge !  As for sleeping, they do sleep in here, but not everyday.  Mind you, I am not encouraging it enough :)  I only have a few more months snuggling with them before baby come so I want to soak in as much of them as possible.  

Bee will be in kindergarten in a week's time !  I didn't realize my little little girl needs so many stuff for school  :-O   here's a short list that I made up while waiting to Mr. Sleep to waltz me away:

Outerwear:

- light jacket
- thin jacket
- warm winter jacket
- rain coat

Headwear:

- hat for sunny days
- knitted hat for cold days

Footwear:

- indoor slip-on shoes (school's requirement, to wear in class)
- runners for everyday wear
- dress shoes for special events
- casual shoes
- casual boots for cool days
- rainboots for the rain
- winter boots for the snow

*Mittens & snow gloves !

School gear:

- back pack
- lunch bag
- water bottle
- lunch containers
- snacks containers

Over the summer Bee pretty much worn through many of her clothes !  Most of her leggings are worn at the knees and she grew out of most of her shirts.  Strangely, 3 months ago she has more than enough to wear and now it seems she has little choices :-/  I find myself this month replacing many items in her worn out wardrobe, like tights, pants, leggings, socks, t-shirts, long sleeves shirts, sweaters, dress tops, skirts, dresses, and cardigans !

We can break our little bank getting her set up for school !  and this is just kindergarten :-O

We started our trip early in the morning, 8am.  The kids are all anxious, eager to go on their first road trip.  According to google, our trip to Seaside Oregon will be approximately 7 hours.  It's a bit longer than I remembered but google map takes in consideration border waits and traffics.  We're dividing this trip into 2 parts.  I read somewhere that long ride in car can be bad for kids so we will be making a stop with 2 nights stay near Seattle on the way there and 1 night on the way back.

One hour in on the road and Bee started to ask "Are we there yet?".  I saw it on TV countless times and I really thought they are just exaggerating, but nope, they're right on point with this :-(  she asked that question EVERY 3 min.  After the 5th times we reminded her of her plan, that she's going "to sleep so the trip is shorter". She remembered the plan alright but said that her tummy is too excited she can't sleep !!!

I printed a map of our trip and prepped some snacks and water for the kids for the ride.  When Bee wants to know where we are, I would point her to where we are on the map, and get a long reply of groans from her :-/ map was not a good idea.  She's too excited, too eager and filled with so much anticipations, that she can't handle that we're no were near there !  Lovebug did us a favor and ripped up the map :)

We decided to put on the Frozen movie on the ipad (we bought an adjustable ipad holder and installed it on the back of our seat) for the girls to watch.  It was meant to be played way later on in our trip but oh well.  Lovebug passed out after 30 min. while Bee continued til the credits were rolling in end.  "The movie is done, are we there yet?" she asked, "We should go somewhere closer, this is tooooooo long !  I'm a kid!!!" she whined.

Being 16 weeks pregnant, my patience is running very thin.  I've been avoiding people for my sanity and for theirs :-)  the kids and C are the only exceptions but they are walking on egg shells with this cranky mama !  So when Bee whined about "Are we there yet ?" for the hundredth time, I gave her two options.  I asked her if she wants me to drop her off on the side of the road or stay with us.  She chose the latter and mumbled about how she does not like this trip at all, then fell asleep shortly after.  

Candies and movie to keep them occupied and entertained.

FIRST STOP

So here we are, on the road in a packed car with 2 kids !  Our first stop is at Hampton Inn in Lynnwood, 15 min. from downtown Seattle. It was a good move on our part to stop here, to have a bit of break for us and the kiddos.  We spent the day shopping (our hotel is next to Nordstrom Rack, great selection of shoes and bags, and we're 2 min. away from Alderwood mall) and then swimming at our hotel at night.  The next day, after buffet breakfast at hotel, we explored Seattle, ate some good grubs and back at hotel in the evening for swimming again.

We continued on with our other half on the trip the day after, when we all are refreshed and full.  I like the hot buffet breakfast at this hotel (we been here a few times) because they have variety of options (eggs, sausages, oatmeal, cereal, yogurt, juices, variety of baked bread and baked goodies, fresh fruits, and waffle)).  When travel, we all wake up at different time so buffet breakfast works well for us :-) no stress.

Traffic on the i5 to Oregon was so bad that our estimated 3 hr drive extended close to 5 hours.  Lovebug either sleep or watch Frozen or sing on the top of her lung, she's a gem !  Bee continues to whine but much much less on this ride.  She seems to understand that we can't speed up any faster.

DESTINATION SEASIDE

View from the balcony of our inn

Once at Oregon, seeing miles and miles of sand meeting a wide body of water makes the drive all worth it !  We quickly checked in at the Hi-tide Inn.  The only place on the promenade (walking path) that can accommodate us for the week.  I actually lucked out as practically the whole town was booked.  I called every other day to see if there's a cancellation and finally came across an ocean front room here and it's close to "downtown".  Downtown here just a small area, with one main street, Broadway .  You want to be near this area because it's where food are :)  Restaurants, coffee, and grocery shop.  Price we paid for hotel was $159 USD a night, which was quite reasonable comparing to other lodging around here.  If going again I would make reservation at least 2 months in advance.

The kids went nuts with the sand, as if they never seen it before.  They put sand on their body, on their hair, in each other's pants, they make sand angels, they crawl on them and roll on the sand.  And they did that the whole week we were there.  Bee also want to go swimming every afternoon !  It's expected because I know she loves water !  hence when travel, I only book hotel with pool.

Every day, C would dig a huge pit in the sand, until it hits the water.  He said it was enjoyable and relaxing for him.  Each night the tides would come in and fill it and he would start a new one the next day.  He also would make a walk way down for the girls and that pit would keep them entertained the whole day.  Many kids came by and many dads came by to see how it's done.  Some even told C that he made them look bad because their kids want them to dig one too but they're too lazy to do it.

When not playing in the pit or with the sand, the girls are chasing birds and waves.  The beach water is nice and cool to play and soak our feet in, but it is the pacific ocean after all, so it's brrrrrrrr cold !!!  For us whimps anyways, because many others were swimming in there.  So what did I do all day here ?  I sit and snack and read and play  :-)  I don't remember if there's wifi there but we didn't "connect".

At night it can get a bit chilly on the coast.  A few nights we put on our sweats and go for a walk on the beach.  We also bought some wood and lit a bond fire.  It was nice being out at night, listening to the waves crashing in, watching the stars twinkling up high and being warmed by the fire.  We brought snacks along to munch on.  At some point we also took a bunch of long tall dry grass and lit one stick of grass at at time and try to write our initials with them in the air.  The kids were entertained, watching the grass and wood burn.

Seaside is all about seafood and sweets !  Candies and ice cream shops are everywhere.  We ate gelato every day.  Pretty much all restaurants serves clam chowder and seafood from the steamer.  Norma's and Dooger's Seafood are good and kids friendly.  We frequented Pig'N Pancake for breakfast (typical breakfast fares).  I couldn't eat too much seafood due to mercury intake (16 wks pregnant) so hot wings and pizza was my other stables.  The kids' meal consisted mostly of popcorn shrimps, mac/cheese and chicken strips.  They didn't want to try anything else except the one time they tried and finished more than half of a lobster.  C and I found everything is so heavily salted in the States (except for steamed seafood).  They have excellent food here but just on the salty end.

As for entertainment, there's a small aquarium, Funland games, a go-cart place and a miniature golf park !  we spent some time at Funland, playing games and collecting tickets to buy things.  Someone hacked the Jurrasic Park game so we sat there and finished the whole game (over an hour of shooting).  We also discovered that the Fruit Ninja game give out the most ticket so we played at that station for a long time too.  All tickets were used toward the purchase of candies !!!

Mid week we went and visited Canon beach to show the girls the haystack rock (a 235-foot (72-meter) sea stack).  After hanging out at the beach, we went for a stroll around the little town, bought bags of salt water taffy (they can be found everywhere), had lunch, explore the town a bit more and then headed back to Seaside for dinner.  I don't think we ever spent a full day here.  There's just little to do.  Seaside is small too but it seems to be more vibrant in my opinion and more family/kids friendly.

If you're not a small town and beach loving person, you probably won't enjoy it here as much as we do.  At 9pm the town gets pretty quiet but the beach is noisy !  I think most people are out at the beach for bond fire.  C and I like small town as well as big city feel !  We both like to talk so no matter where we are we have each other for company :)  if you like activities and seeing attractions then small town might put you to sleep !!!  We love the ocean so we can be at the beach for a week or more and not be bored !!!  As for our kids, when we're not playing with them, they are capable ofentertaining themselves.  They have so much to play with here and are quite creative so we didn't have to worry about them.  When not digging the pit, C and I would lay under our beach canopy and talk about all things between heaven and earth.  It's just very chill and relaxing for us.  I am happy just to be with my little family, with the sun above me and the waves licking the sand.

We dressed up for Sunday brunch

Jumping over waves !

C called this his man cave :D  He can nap in here as it blocked out all the noises.

Jelly fish !!!

Good bye Seaside !  We'll see you again !

HOME

We didn't want to go home, we wanted to stay longer but there's no accommodation at all in this whole town.  I think another day would be nice, to make it a full 7 days 7 nights there.  We reluctantly pack our car and two unhappy kids for home.  They really want to stay !  Oh well, sooner or later we still have to leave and the kids will pout then too.  Lucky for them, they still have another place to look forward to !  A night stop over at Holiday Inn in downtown Tacoma, with swimming pool !

We got to the hotel late in the afternoon, checked in, changed, and went straight to the pool !  We woke up early the next morning for breakfast together and headed out at 9am.  We wanted to do some shopping at the outlet in Tulalip before home.  At this point I was ready for home.  I miss my bed, my kitchen, my garden, my house.

All in all, it was a very good road trip.  Bee didn't complain much on the way home, she slept most of the time, so was Love. They asked to go back Seaside again next year. I would totally do this again but not next year.  Maybe when the baby can walk.  I can't imagine driving this long of a distance with a new born !

The girls are growing leaps and bounds this summer.  Lovebug can sing pretty much all children's songs ever existed and rarely do I find her not singing.  She loves to dress up and looks at her outfit infront of the mirror.  I thought she would be the tomboy one but nope, she is as girlie as a girl can get.  Talk about girlie, Bee, who loves dresses and all things sparkles now loves shorts and t-shirts.  Even on cold rainy day she would ask "can I wear short ?".  She is not crazy about dresses anymore which makes me a little phiff because I bought her so many dresses.  That's my own issue really, whenever the kids like something or show interest in something, instead of introduce it slowly, I killed it by dousing them in it.  Well, that's the things with parenting, you live and learn.  You never stop learning.

Lovebug likes to fib !  she makes up a lot of things, like "daddy threw _ (item name) away, because he's mad at me." or "ba (grandma) didn't feed me" or "Bee hit me" !  Of course none is true. I wonder why she made it up, maybe for attention ?  to get a reaction from me ?  she even got a pout to go with each made up complaint.  Drama queen that one.

Bee is at the questioniing stage.  She inquires about just pretty much everything.  Recently we had dinner with my dad, whom the last time I ate with is like almost 30 years ago (we've been estranged since the divorce).  It was weird for me, another long story, but Bee, oh my, she asked "why doesn't ong (grandpa) live with us ?", "why they don't love each other ?", "why there's another lady there ?  and the girl and boy, who are they?".  Explaining why people divorce to a 5 yr. old is complicated, as it just encourages more questions on top of questions and you go round in circle.  I ended our convo with "I already explained it to you, sometime people just want to be friend, and not love each other." then I changed the topic !!!  I realized that I need time to formulate a good answer to her question.  People do break up, parents do break up, and I myself don't even know the exact reason why my parents divorced :-/ other than one day dad asked to be divorced and they signed paper and we moved out.  I never asked, not interested maybe, I was never close to dad to begin with...but now I feel the need to know the reason so that I can explain properly to Bee !

Bee is also on the roll with scaring Love with all sorts of things, like "that's going to bite you", or "there's zombie in the dark" or "you're getting time out for that" or "we're going to go out without you" just so she can see Lovebug cry and run to us and undoubtedly say "poo poo face Bee".  Which is a phrase I'm not fond of AT.ALL, poo poo face anybody isn't nice, and she learned from her big sister :( who claimed she doesn't say it anymore (around us anyways).

Other than a few doubtful words, our kids have been saying a lot of things that make us burst out in laughter.  Like when C asked the girls to stop having a screaming contest in the car because it gives him a headache.  Bee asked, "what's a headache ?", C said "when your brain hurts!".  She said, when they screamed, her brain doesn't hurt so she concluded that "I have no brain then ?".  She also told me the other day that C married me only to have children :-/  and when we pray at night, Bee asked Jesus to "please help make mommy nice", I have to stop our prayer to ask why, she stated, "because you gave me time out and I don't like it", fair enough.  Yeah, the things they say !  Honest honest thoughts, no ill motives, just plain as they come, thoughts.  Bee also reminded that even when she's mad at me, she loves me, and I replied, much like when I have a "talk" with her or give her time out, I love her very much.  Kids, they're the little pockets of sunshine in my day.  I can come home with work on my mind and at the sight of them, everything fades away, they get filed away under "to-do for tomorrow".  Children are such blessings !

I wish I have double eye lids.  What's that you asked ?  It's the fold above your eyes.  I only have 1 visible eye lid, so if you look at the image below, it's 1 semi-mono and 1 parallel.  It's rare to have 1 fold out and one semi fold in, but I got it.  Some day there are double folds but most day only one comes out to play.  This is I think, one of the 2 major asian obsession.  The other is high bridge nose.

My eyes was once a part of me that I long wanted to "fix".  If you're thinking 'cosmetic surgery' ? you are right !  WHHHAT ?  I know right ? me !  one who always talks about all things natural.  Sadly, i am not immune to insecurity.  And this eye thing is my biggest hurdle that I hoped to get over one day.  Sure there's double sided eyelid tapes, but I can't be bother with anything that isn't permanent.  I don't like to spend too much time getting ready.  15 min. is max for me.  Most days it's between 7-10 min. and that includes brushing teeth and washing my face.

Double eyelid tape.  Clear thin invisible tapes to glue the skin above your eyes together.   

Collin has been in my life as far back as I can remember, and he knows I've always been bothered by it.  He told me he doesn't even noticed it until I told him, and said that I should love the me God created.  I totally know what he's saying.  I have a very content happy life but I just think it would be better with double eye lids.  I have an OCD with things being straight and even !  With my uneven eyes, I just feel I will be pretty with 2 same eyes !

There was a time when I was afraid to look at people in the eyes.  Afraid that people secretly, in their head, think 'oh my gosh her eyes are uneven, that's so weird'.  I feel like I have a deformity on my face.  Of course it's all in my head, but that's how insecurity talks.

One impediment that is stopping me from going through with the surgery is that I am terrified of being cut up !  I can't imagine putting myself under the knife deliberately.  I mean, what if it went wrong and I was blinded on one side ?  What if after all the pain and it still look weird ?  Do I have to cut both eyes to ensure evenness ? What if it got infected ?  I've seen surgeries that went wrong and afraid I might be one.  My fear is a bit greater than my desire to be pretty.  Maybe when I'm older I can do it, I told myself.

Addition to fear, a part of me don't want God to feel like I am modifying the in-good-condition me that He made.  At the back of my head, the bible verse about how I am wonderfully made always come into play whenever I think about getting my eye fix.  So that's another deterrent.

As the days and years rolled by, I didn't get any more brave !  I can't overcome the fear of going under the knife, but what that time period gave me was the understanding of what "acceptance" means.  From people to life situations and to myself.  I learn to be more accepting.  I slowly embrace me, everything about me, all the imperfections.  As my faith deepen, as I read more God's words, I started to see me and get to know who I am more.  There are more to me than look, and there are much work to do with building up my inner self, to be the complete person God desired me to be.

I asked myself if changing my physical look would affect my quality of life, and if it would change my attitude.  Quality of life, none.  Attitude ?  probably, there sure will be a boost of confident.  Do I need it though ?  nope.  Perhaps this imperfection is here to help me to learn about acceptance, to humble me, to teach me to see deeper than surface, to learn to take confident of whatever exterior I was given, to be more thoughtful, to be kind, and to focus on higher things.  While I am on a journey to be all of that, I really like the person God is molding me into.  I'm more encouraged to be better.  I am excited for the work that has started in me and look forward to the person I will grow into, the wife, and the mother I will become. 

During this time, TV was showing this show called Swan.  While it's amazing to see the final transformation on reveal night, the whole concept of the show doesn't sit well with me.  I feel like a part of the person, call it charm or charisma or uniqueness that is in each of us, is stripped off from them.  I see a beautiful person, perfect teeth, hair, jaw line, nose, cheeks, hair, and body BUT the personality of the old person isn't there, it's a completely different looking person.  I don't know how to explain it, but it seems their personality kind of change/disappear after each surgery.  And they go through A LOT of surgeries.  I didn't like it.  I much prefer makeover when beauty is enhanced, I don't like surgical make over.  I think many viewers echo the same sentiment because the show was short lived.

I have imperfect eyes :-) they were uneven, just that and I didn't like it because it makes me feel less normal.  Looking at old pictures, if I was to knit pick, there are host of imperfections about me ! my uneven eyes, the moles above my lips, the hair on my arms, my short forehead, my barely there nose bridge, my unruly coarse hair, and the obvious, my shortness !  I'm so so so far from media's beauty standards !!!  But I am not bound by worldly standards.  Thank you JESUS !!!!!  Christ came to set us free from "slavery" so why put ourselves under another's control and standards.  If we chase this invisible force we can never find the satisfaction we hope for.  

I read somewhere that if we are not comfortable with our inside, we will never be comfortable with our outside.  There's truth in it.  And the beauty of allowing God to help transforming me from the inside, is that I learned to love and cherish me because I am truly fearfully and wonderfully made !  Transformation is a life long process but oh my heart is excited with each revelation. 

Like clockworks, the day I found out I'm pregnant, within weeks, nausea came sailing in.  Pregnancy morning sickness isn't just morning for me, it is ALL day and night.  This one is bad, although I remember feeling terrible with the previous 2 too.  I can't eat, can't stand smell of meat, can't stand any smell in general and feel like I'm at sea all day.  If you ever experience sea sickness, this is exactly how I feel.  I found myself pinching my arms from time to time to distract me from the awful feeling I'm experiencing.  I think the nausea might be worse than giving birth !  At least with giving birth you see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I don't think contractions and the pushing part takes longer than 2 days.  With nausea, it lasts for days and months and there's nothing I can do to ease it.

Currently I'm taking diclectin but I don't think it's doing anything.  Maybe it is making the sickness a little less worse, but I don't notice it.  My doctor said I can triple the med. but I remember when I doubled it, I was so drowsy I can barely function, I think triple it would make it worse for me.  One evil or the other, I would rather not be under the influence of med.

Due to the nausea, I can't take pre-natal vitamin.  I tried breaking it up and tried kids vitamins and all made me feel worse so I cut them all out.  I try to take 1 folic acid pill every other day and try to take 1 pre-natal vitamin every Friday so I have the weekend to deal with the extra nausea.

I look forward to be able to eat again and to enjoy food again.  Right now I don't like eating nor drinking juice or milk.  I do force myself to eat 3 meals a day to make up for the lack of vitamins.  I crunch on rock salt here and there and enjoy chips.  All the bad stuff :-(  I pray that my baby will be ok.