Taken hours before entering into Valentine's Day !  Love these girls !

By John Mark Comer, February 11, 2014

John Mark Comer is Lead Pastor of Bridgetown; A Jesus Church in Portland, Ore., and author of Loveology: God. Love. Marriage. Sex. And the Never-Ending Story of Male and Female, which released Feb. 4, 2014. 

 

  

Friendship.

 

Support.

 

Sexuality.

 

Family.

 

Recreation.

That’s why you get married. That’s why God created marriage.

Here’s the problem—that’s not why most people get married.

At least, that’s not why I got married. I got married to be happy.

Don’t get me wrong. I was into all that other stuff. She was my closest friend. There was a calling on our life together that we were excited about. Sex ... uh ... yes. And we both wanted a family one day. But none of those reasons were the reason.

Like millions upon millions of other Americans, I married for happiness.

That sounds innocuous at first glance. Heck, it sounds romantic. But the trouble is that happiness is the result of a healthy marriage. It’s not the reason for marriage. Happiness is a great thing, but it’s the by-product, the afterclap of marriage. It’s not the point.  Happiness is the result of a healthy marriage. It’s not the reason for marriage.

God doesn’t look down on Adam and say, “He looks sad. He needs a lift. He needs another human being to quench the thirst of his soul. I will make him a helper to satisfy his deepest longings. Eve, the pressure’s on.” Of course not. Only God can do that.

A spouse is not a substitute for God.

 

The point of marriage isn’t to find our missing half. It’s to help each other become all God intended. Our future, real selves. In marriage, two people partner to that end. They see the best in each other—the person God created them to be—and they push and pull each other toward that goal.
Don’t get married because you think he or she is “the one.” Trust me, they’re not. There’s no such thing! But do get married when you see who God is making somebody to be, and it lights you up. When you want to be a part of that story of transformation, that journey to the future. When you are well aware it will be a long and bumpy ride, but you don’t want to miss one mile. Because you believe in God’s calling on them, and you want in.

My wife makes me a better person. She calls out the best in me. She calls me to live up to who I really am, to who God is making me to be.

She also brings out the worst in me. What Paul calls “the flesh.” The ugly, nasty part of me that doesn’t want to change. She exposes my selfishness and my pride.

That’s why marriage is humbling. I thought I was a pretty decent guy—and then I got married. Turns out I’m kind of a toolshed. It’s easy to be a decent guy when you live in a bubble. But when you step into marriage, your true colors bleed out. It’s like squeezing a sponge. Whatever is on the inside comes out, for better or for worse.

I cringe when I’m at a wedding where the guy says, “I promise to make you happy.” I want to stand up and scream, “You can’t keep that promise. It’s impossible. You aren’t God!”

Is it any wonder that the number-one justification for divorce is “I deserve to be happy”? If you put your faith in your spouse to make you happy, it’s only a matter of time until they let you down.
Our whole mindset on happiness is deeply flawed. “I deserve to be happy.” Really? I’m not sure that’s right.

All of life is a gift from the Creator God. We think we have the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” but contrary to what the American propaganda machine says, happiness is not a right. It’s a gift. God doesn’t owe you anything. And neither does your spouse. It’s all a gift.

If you go into marriage searching for happiness, all you will do is walk out filled with disillusionment.

You have to get this before you get married. Sadly, I didn’t, and it caused me so much pain. Not to mention how it hurt my wife.

If you go into marriage searching for happiness, all you will do is walk out filled with disillusionment. Don’t get me wrong. Marriage is incredible! But it’s not heaven on earth. It’s two broken people coming together to follow God’s calling on their lives.

Let marriage be marriage, and let God be God. Let marriage be for friendship and support and sex and family and re-creation. And let God be the well for your soul. Your source of life.

This doesn’t mean you won’t be happy in marriage. I am. Most of the best memories of my life have my wife attached to them. Our honeymoon in Europe, moving to Portland, starting a church, the birth of our first child, that vacation in Kauai—we did all of that together. And it was fun. If I were to edit her out of my story, it would be flat, anemic and boring.

Here’s what I’ve learned over the last few years. God is the source of my life, not my wife. She’s an amazing gift that I don’t deserve, but she’s not Jesus. It took me a long time to get this. And to be honest, I’m still pounding away on living it out. Hopefully, you’ll get this sooner than I did. Because the beauty of this way of living is that if and when happiness shows up on your doorstep, it’s icing on the cake.

Repost from RelevantMagazine.com

Twice a year my husband would go through his closet and remove shirts that are stained, ripped, no longer fit or he just doesn't wear.  We would pack them all and drop off at one of those  Children's Foundation's donation bin.

One day, a friend of mine sent me a pic. of a shirt that was repurposed into a kid's shirt and tagged me on it.  I saw it and thought it was such an awesome idea !  I asked C to give me one of his dress shirt and he gave me one that he no longer wear as it's worn around the neck line.  I decided to make Bee a dress out of it !  With little time on hand, like 20 min., I decided to make the easiest dress I can think of :-)  Since it's a shirt, a shirt dress it is !  Since it's gray color, I added white lace around the neckline (case a stretchy band around the neck to easy slip on/off) for added touch of softness.  I then cut one of the sleeve open and sewn onto the dress to make it into a pocket.  Bee ADORES pocket !!!  She likes to fill it up with her baubles :-)


girl's dress made from man's dress shirt !

I will be doing this with all of hubby's clothes going forward.  If they're in good shape, they'll go to charity.  Rip or stained, it'll be repurposed into something useful for our little ones :-)  I'm trying to buy less and re-use more !  Our landfill is growing by the minute, I want to contribute as little as possible. 

Last night I dreamt I was at a church service.  Famous speakers then a skit with famous actors (I remember seeing Kirk Cameron !), putting on an almost perfect service.  However, no one responded.  I look around at all the expressionless people around me.  Dead but not dead.  You can see the deflated faces of all the people involved in the service.  They were expecting something great to happen, but nada.  They're baffled at how their great production yeilded nothing.  Then we all was asked to stand up for a last worship song.

I closed my eyes singing to the tunes of Worthy is the Lamb.  Then there I was, though my eyes were shut, I can see I was in a different place.  Like when you close your eyes and they are opened to another world.  It feels as though I was standing infront of the airplane turbine engine.  I'm not being blow away, but the pressure was of that great.  It was the sounds of millions and millions of voices joining me in worship (no people, just beautiful voices and the feeling of being lifted up).  It was so overwhelming.

Then I turned back (eyes still closed but I can see the people around me), I saw the people in the church service, dead, stale, and lifeless faces.  These people are moving their lips but they are not really praising.  They were just there, killing time, filling time, showing faces.  No one notice anything.  Don't they know that when they're praising God, they are joining forces with the voices of angels praising ?  No one went to where I went.  I cried. 

I sensed an urgency, so I screamed out loud between words, hoping the people can hear me, "DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH JESUS LOVES YOU ?  HE GAVE HIS LIFE FOR YOU !" I was thinking, this is all you can do for a god who has done so much ?  I don't get it.  I was mad and sad at the same time.  These people showed up to a church service but they're not really there. 

The voices of praises around me grew louder and louder, like powerful thunder, and I was swept in. It was beyond words, it was amazing.  I don't know what song we were singing but we're praising alright.  The voices around me viberated through my core, shaken me so violently.  It was so overwhelming that my earthly self couldn't handle it.  It was just too big, too great for me, if it makes any sense at all.  I can't handle it so I opened my eyes.  And I woke up.

...............................................................................

It was early, not yet 6 am.  I lay in bed revisiting the dream I just had.  Then I thought about churches, about the big churches that put on major productions every Sunday, glitters and all ! with all the "right" ingredients, like beautiful stages, lightings, plush seatings, and sounds and sermons and music...Then I thought of all the people there getting all pumped up, excited for Jesus but are they really "there" or do they just go with the flow ?  When we think we're winning people to Christ but really we're just loosing them to all the pretty sights and sounds ?  Churches nowaday is so grand, so "glamous" !  pardon me for a lack of better word.  Some church makes me feel like I'm going to a concert, a musical production.  Some churches have so many attendees that I wonder why they don't open another location.  When a church is that grand, the lost who wandered in there can easily get lost and go unoticed, unseen, un-cared for. 

People needs Jesus.  We all need God to heal and restore our brokeness.  They don't need all the pretty decorations and sounds.  They need to be seen.  Christians are Christ's arms and feet on this world.   IF we don't extend His love to this hurting world, who is ?  I don't know what God wants me to do with is.  Maybe just a reminder to be faithful, to do my small parts.  Maybe He has a bigger plan and it's yet to be revealed to me.  Whatever it is Lord, ready am I.  Ready I am Lord.



It's Vietnamese New Year today !  I wish you a blessing year with good health.  The sun is out and the weather is a few temperatures warmer than the last few wet and cold days.  Hope you're out soaking in some golden lights !

Bee got some "li xi" red envelopes (in our culture, kids get money in red envelope on new year's day) so she asked me to take her to buy candies.  To distract her from all the sugarbugs, I suggested we play dress up !  Bee were given many traditional dresses, Vietnamese, Chinese, Korean and Japanese, so I thought Lunar New Year is the best time to break them out.  When and where else can she wear them to ?   The girls love it  :-)  not so much the dressing part but that they get to wear colorful clothes !  Kids love color !  I thought I dig out my dresses too and take pictures with them.

It was fun seeing how they look in all those dresses.  Bee never worn many of them.  They were just hanging out in her closet, waiting for a day like today.  I'm glad they still fit her.  Lovebug has to wear hand-me-down and they were a bit big for her.  Next year she'll fit them nicely. 

Getting the girls to stay still so I can snap a few pictures proved impossible.  They were also eating waffle :D  I have to quickly take the waffle away for a pic. then give it back to them.  Never the one to give up, so I just snap the camera aimlessly, hoping for some decent pictures.  Here are some:

Here we are in our Chinese outfits !

And here are our Vietnamese traditional dresses:

Chuc Mung Nam Moi !

Dear my sweet darlings,

Thank you for being excellent sleepers !  You might think, "what's so great about that ?", but for me, it means I can rest.  You see, I've heard countless stories from other mommies, tired, exhausted mommies, who struggle to put their baby to sleep, so they too can sleep.  Their baby can't fall asleep for many reasons.  Sometimes it's because the room is too bright, too dark, it's noisy, it's quiet, it's warm, it's cold, there're distractions around, the baby wants to play, the baby isn't full, the baby is gassy, the baby is too full, the baby is stimulated, the baby is cranky, gassy, frustrated, the baby is tired, and sometime, the baby just don't want to sleep ...

With Bee, you can fall sleep anywhere and in any kind of environment !  Whenever it's bed time, you would simply close your eyes and sleep.  Just like that.  Sometime when we're out, like we would be at a restaurant, you would say to me "I'm sleepy", then fall asleep after saying that !  it's like magic.  I love it. 

When more teeth came in, I even brushed your teeth while you're half asleep !  your eyes are closed but you open your mouth to let me floss and run the brush around your mouth.  You even rinse with your eyes closed !  it's pretty awesome.

As for Lovebug, right now you fall asleep mostly while nursing.  If you ever wake up, a constant repeated firm pat on your bum will lull you back to sleep.  Sometime your eyes are open but it's not really "open".  You sleep like that, like your sister and like me !  We like we freak people out sleeping with our eyes open.

You did fall asleep one time while sitting in the Costco's shopping cart !  You just look at me and close your eyes.  I freaked out, thought something happened to you, but nope, you were tired and decided to go to sleep then and there.  No tear, no fuss, no need to be held.  Please keep that up !

Thank you for loving to sleep as much as I and your daddy.  I do enjoy sleeping next to you a lot !  I love holding you both close, watching you two sleep and kissing your foreheads.  Please don't grow up too fast. 

Sweet dream my sweets,

The title of this recipe is pretty much self described !  Put a bit of coconut oil in a non stick pan, sliced up banana diagonally (for longer/bigger piece) about 1/4 of an inch thick.  Fried each side til golden.  Remove from pan and serve up with vanilla bean ice cream !  Yumo !!!!

I craved warm pie with ice cream but we got no pie !  Saw some bananas and thought of those deep fried bananas they always served up in Malaysian restaurant.  I don't want to deep fried so thought why not pan fried it for a healthier option.  Glad I tried it as it was nice with ice cream.  Banana burns easy due to sugar content in it so don't cook too long.  Enjoy.