Pregnancy: 35 going 36 weeks

While waiting for the arrival of my 2nd baby and being too large to go anywhere, I've been baking a lot !  I've made all sorts of waffles (traditional, blueberries, chinese egg style waffle (sweet), condense milk waffle), vietnamese style egg rolls, assorted cookies (organic & non), sweet potato cake, chard chips, kale chips, etc etc etc.  It was time consuming but fun !  Our family get special treats everyday or every other day.  I wish I can eat more but this baby of mine is taking up all the room in my tummy and leave little space for food.

This waiting period feels like eternity.  I'm 35 weeks and a few days now.  36 weeks will put me in the safe zone !!!  I really don't mind if the baby decided to come out then because I'm so ready !!!  I can feel her fighting her way out too.  It's getting tight in there for sure.  She moves morning and night, punching me in every corners.  She used to be like a fish, swimming, flipping from one side to another but not anymore.  There's no room for all that excitement and fun ! 

C and I couldn't agreed on a name for her yet.  It's been hard finding a name we like starting with the letter K !  and not only just a name, we want a meaningful name too.  It doesn't have to be a K really but I'm just one of those picky, obsessive compulsive person who like orderliness.  And with one girl name starting with a K, I thought another K would keep it "together" :-)  and well, there isn't any other name we like so having a preference for "K" kinda helps us to have a starting point.

Oddly though, we can't seem to have a girl name that we likes but we have a boy's name that we like !  It was picked while we were looking for names. We thought we would soon find a girl's name but it proves harded than we thought.  I'm sure once she's out something will come to mind.  

Hospital bags check list:

Bag for Mommy

Before you pack, keep in mind, you will be bleeding down there, and your tummy will look like you're still pregnant ! so pack comfy, easy to slip on/out clothes !!!

- Button down pyjamas and pants
- Loose t shirt and sweat pants
- Toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, hair brush, deodorant etc.)
- Underwear, not the skinny kind but the granny one
- Overnight Maxi Pads (the hospital do give out pads but they are super thick and hard)
- Nursing bras/pads
- Hair tie/band
- Light cardigan (hospital room can get cold)
- Flip flop (you can wear in shower) or slippers
- Snacks (Granola bars, crackers, etc. You will get hungry after nursing)
- Water, juice
- Camera

Bag for Baby

- approved and valid (not expired) baby car seat (hospital will check and won't let you take baby home if you don't have a valid one)
- onesies (short or long sleeve depending on season)
- hats, mitts, socks
- burping cloths
- receiving blankets (to cover bottom half of baby when secured in car seat)

Bag for Daddy

- Pyjamas
- Toiletries (toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, deodorant etc.)
- Change of clothes (jeans, sweatpants, t-shirt, etc.)
- Underwear, socks
- Flip flop (you can wear in shower)
- Snacks
- Towel
- Neck pillow (like the kind people use on airplane, it's great for when you have to catch a quick nap on the couch)
- Electronic chargers
- Stuff to past time:  book, magazine, ipad, etc.

 

Birth Plan: how do you want to delivery your baby

Birth plan is a list of preferences you would like your baby's birth to be.  Is it mandatory ?  nope, but it's good to write one.  It's a great way to help get you thinking about your baby's big day, of what to expect.  It helps you to consider your options and make some important decision.  If you're high risk or unsure about anything, talk it over with your doctor. 

There are loads of info out there on birthing and pain relief options for you to read/research on so give yourself plenty of time !!!  Don't forget to discuss your preferences with your birth partner (the person who will be in the delivery room with you) !

Here is a small list to get your brain going on your birth plan.  These are just the few items that I feel are important (based on my experience of low risk pregnancy & hospital birth).  There are some great birthing worksheets available on the net that you can google for.  If you're doing homebirth, sorry I got no experience on that to share :-(

1.  Method of childbirth:  vaginal is most common and safe.  However in certain circumstance, forceps or vacuum has to be used, or a C-section has to be done.  Do your research on these or ask your doctor about them, what are the risks, recovery period, and possible side effects for you and baby.

2.  Your pain relief options.  Do you want to deliver baby naturally the whole way ?  or when it's unbearable, you want Nitrous oxide (laughing gas), or epidural (spinal anesthesia).  Read about the pros. & cons, side effects of each, recovery time, and how it will affect you and baby in the long term, etc.
 
3.  Episiotomy ?
 
4.  Do you want your partner to cut the umbilical cord, Yes or No ? 

5.  Your thought on inducing labour
 
I wish I read more on this when I was induced with my 2nd.  There was no risk and all I needed to do was wait until she's ready.  But my doctor was impatience and suggested we go ahead with inducing her because I've been at the hospital too long.  She assured me they do it all the time and it's safe so we agreed to do it.  Looking back, I wish I didn't go through with it.  My baby girl is fine but still, I don't like to do something when it wasn't needed.
 
Keep in mind, this birthing plan is what you IDEALLY would like your birth plan to be.  Be flexible because sometime things will arise and alternative route needs to be taken.  That's why I suggested you read on all the options, to educate yourself, to know what they are in case you have to make an executive decision on it.  If you're not sure, always always ASK the doctor for options, and what are the pros./cons. 
 
 

What you need to do before giving birth

I heart being pregnant.  I remember the anticipation, the excitement, counting down to the day of the baby's arrival.  But before you can hold your bundle of joy and inhale in their wonderfully addicting baby smell, there are a few things you need to do to help prepare for their big debut.

In no particular order:

- Write a birthing plan
http://www.messymommy.com/2013/08/how-do-you-want-to-delivery-your-baby.html

-  Purchase newborn essentials:  MY LIST: approved car seat, crib, stroller, change table & pad, diapers, wipes, baby bath tub, organic body wash, bum cream (for rash), bibs, burp cloths (10 or more), receiving blankets, onesies, socks, mitts, hats, baby bottles, breast bump, nursing pad, soother/pacifier and thermometer. 

I feel these were what I needed right away after I bring baby home (breast feeding).  If you're going the formula route then stock up on newborn formula .  I didn't like diaper bag so I just used my carry-all bag.  I bought more baby stuff as we go along, as needed.  It works for me but in case you like to have everything prepared in advance, check out the link below for a more detailed/complete list:
http://www.todaysparent.com/checklists/newborn-checklist/

- Attend Lamaze class.  I know some people who opted out.  Personally I think it's good to attend one.  I found it beneficial to us.  Our instructor was very detailed, giving the class info. on all the pros. and cons. of birthing methods, pain relief options, the dos and don'ts, and best practices.  We even have a short briefing on infant CPR.  The question period was great and we learned a lot.  If anything, it's good to know what to expect leading to your birthing date !

- Take a hospital tour.  Not necessary but if you have time, I think it's good to take a tour of the hospital before you deliver.  Note where to sign in, emergency entrance, parking lot, delivering unit, etc.  Do a brief drive by around the hospital too, to figure out the best location to park, nearest entrance to delivering unit, etc. 

- Decide if you want private or shared overnight hospital room.  Is your partner going to sleep there with you and baby the first day or two ? 

I had a private room with my first and a shared room with my 2nd.  I recommend the private room (extended health care coverage paid for it).  The benefit is huge !  No one to worry about when you try to latch baby, when you nurse, when hubby help massage to get milk down, etc !!!  Also, the best part, you can use the bathroom whenever you want and take your time (trust me, you can't pee too fast in the first day or two !!!  your body is a bit lost on its ability to send messages to your brain:-) 
Also, hubby was sleeping over so in the private room, there were extra seats for him to stretch out and sleep.

The shared room is ok, you have SOME privacy but I dread waiting for the bathroom.  I also hate it when my baby just fall asleep and theirs decided to wake up and cry thunders & storms right then !  obviously my baby decided to wake up and join the fun.  No one gets a wink and if any one of us do, none get to shut their eyes for longer than 15 !!!

when is it good to talk to kid about birds and bees ?

I want Honeybee to know about the "birds and the bees" but not sure what age is appropriate.  I myself didn't know where baby come from until I was 15. !  I'm a bit of a late bloomer in that department and I so want to avoid that for my daughter.  I'm sure as you're reading this you're thinking how stupid can I be ? or laugh and wonder how the heck can I not know ?  thing is, if you don't know what you don't know and no one tells you, you will never know what you don't know.  Simple as that. 

My conservative, strict, asian family wants to ensure that I am not exposed to anything about "s e x" that they refrained me from participating in sex-ed class.  To them, topics related to "s e x" are considered shameful.  It's something to never ever be discussed about at home or anywhere else.   I did once ask my mom where I came from and she said, her armpit !  And it can only happen after you get married.  OK ! And I wasn't thinking about getting marry anytime soon so I never doubted her or inquire more about where baby came from.

The internet wasn't around then so I couldn't just google up a question and get thousands of sites responding with answers.  Majority of my friends were asian, we don't talk about "those stuff" ...come to think of it...they might be just as clueless as me !  So there I was, pretty much in my own bubble, venturing through high school, at lost on a lot of things.

Looking back at my teenage years, I am glad the Lord watched over me.  I'm quite glad my insecurities about myself and not knowing how to kiss prevented me from dating. If someone likes me, I make sure it's a phone "relationship".  And I usually end it within a week so we don't have to go on an alone date. I was terrify of one on one date. Hence I never been on one. Which was good ! Man, with my cluelessness and teenage boy hormones, I could be a teenage mom with a few kids already back then !!!!!!!!!! yikes !

Things are a lot different now.  We're pretty much living in an x-rated world !  The onscreen tv kisses that my mom used to make me shield my eyes from, are now child's play.  On top of tv shows stretching their limits, we now have access to everything at our finger tips.  Adult ads are EVERYWHERE on the net.  I can't keep Honeybee in a bubble even if I want to !!!  Kids are exposed to all sorts of things at such a young age.  I know I know, not everything is bad but surely one must have to do their diligent to filter through the bad to find the goods (tv shows, internet sites, apps, games, etc) 


As a parent, we just have to keep up with all the technology changes, have to keep watch over our kids at all time.  If we don't, no one is.  At times I wonder if it's even worth my time to talk about abstinence-until-marriage to Honeybee (which I will).  I believe in it strongly and hope she will at least hear me out and hear the reason for it.  Just because society say what is now the NORM doesn't mean it is.  Just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean we should participate.  People know about AIDS, about STD, about herpes, and about other sexually transmitted disease YET there are many still think 1 night stand with a stranger is completely OK and acceptable.  Condom isn't 100% !  ok, 99% "safe" most of the time, but you can be the 1% !!!  I know I sound like prude but I so long for my daughters to give themselves away to the right guy  :)

I am planning on getting some books on how to effectively talk to my Honeybee about sex.  I need to convey it to her in an honest and factual way.  My upbringing might cause me to either overshare or under-share, so a lot preparation is needed.  As of now, I found myself still not comfortable talking about the subject  :-S  yes, even at 33 !  Sad I know !

career and love interest

I was reading a column on the 24hours talking about "dating" your current job, bringing the romance back into it and I couldn't help but chuckle.  I started to think about it and realized there are many similarities in the beginning of your job search and love search.  First there's the attraction, then the "get to know" and last is the "dating" period, where we constantly evaluate and assess the situation to see if we've made the right choice, and if there's a future for you two.

Soon after the inital attraction, you will reach the "get to know" phrase.  Here is your chance to really get to know what you're getting yourself into !!!  ask a lot of questions.  If anything makes you feel uncomfortable or iffy, address it right away.  Show your interest but don't give too much away.  Desperation is a big turn off.  When hiring, I never consider those that over sells themselves and willing to do anything to get the job.  I know they're at a dead end and would take whatever come their way > and to me that means temporary and I am looking for long term commitment.  So even if you're at the end of your rope, don't show your desperation !  Know your value and your worth.  Never ever ever settle.  You'll be wasting your precious time and risk loosing out on the perfect opportunity when it comes your way.  All because you're not available to take it.

Easy goals aren't soul satisfying.  We tend to not treasure those achievements.  It's not the best way to go at it but for many of us, it's encoded in our brain.  My expensive shoes gets better care and treatment than my cheapy ones.  Reason for my behaviour is, I can replace the cheap one anytime !  they are a dime a dozen.  Same goes for career and relationship, I think if we can easy get both, we would take them for granted, and chances are, we can easily leave them too.  Set your standards and don't take anything less.  Don't jump at the first job offer that comes your way. Take time to think it over.  If you're interested in someone then you got to put effort in getting to know them. But don't give all of yourself away too easily and too soon either.  Leave room for them to get to know you, to wonder about you, to guess, to imagine.  No one likes people who play "hard to get", but no one likes an "easy to get" person either !  balance, moderation is key :D  Just be yourself, no games, no motives !

The dating phrase is the evaluation period where we get personal !  After the first few weeks or months of the "honeymoon" period where everything is "wonderful" !  you will soon see and discover new things about the position/the person :D  Perhaps our job is nothing like the descriptions, some items were definitely left out.  The person you're interested in is actually not who you thought they would be.  You had your first blow out, your first disagreement.  Ugly skeletons are one by one slowly coming out of the closet.   Some will surprise you and some you're prepared for because you've been paying attentions to all the signs.  Take time to analyze and ask yourself  "Do you see/want them in your future ?"  Do you see them backing you up, partnering up with you or leaving you to fend for your self.  Don't make excuses, don't try to drown out your inner intuition, be honest.  You owe it to yourself that much.  If there're potentials, give it a shot and run away with it.  If there isn't, walk away before you get comfortable, then settle and will be that forever unhappy employee or unhappy wife/husband.


Lastly, you can always change job and yes, can change partner too, but to me, relationship is way way more important than a 9-5 job :-)  because it requires a lot more time and effort, heart and soul !  you can turn off work after you get home but you carry your love with you in your waking and in your sleeping.  A relationship that gone wrong can cause many heartaches, requires many bandages and a heck of time to heal from.  And time is an expensive EXPENSIVE commodity, know it's value and spend/invest it wisely !

Mr. Romantic

I'm a romantic so naturally I hope to marry someone who is romantic.  You know, the dreamy main character in all romance books and movies.  I would imagine scene of me and Mr. Romantic walking hand in hand in the pouring rain, then out of blue he would turn and look deep in to my eyes, smiling with crystal rain drops dripping off his glossy hair, rolling down his chin, and slowly he would pull me closer, lower his head down to kiss me passionately...

Unfortunately, I did not marry for romance :-(  I love and marry Collin despite the fact that he is clueless to all things I deemed romantic.  No seranating of songs, room filled flowers, long walk in the pouring rain.  One time I asked C to go for walk in the rain, he said to me "I don't know about you Trace, but when it's raining, I like to get out of it.  Try it and let me know how it goes".  I did and lasted about 30 seconds.  I realized I'm not crazy about getting soaked either.  Those people in the books/movies are crazy for standing and embracing so long in the wet cold rain.

On our first Valentine together as a couple, I was so looking forward to all the Valentine stuff like roses, stuffed animals, candies, etc.  At 14, what girl doesn't like those stuff ?  Instead C came over with a dozen of paper roses.  I thanks him for them and pretend not to look disappointed.  The flowers that took C 2 weeks to put together, gluing each petal carefully one by one to form into a rose, lasted only a few months.  My mom thought they were a craft project I did at school and recycled them. 

The next Valentine together C out did himself.  He came over with the biggest of big flowers bouquet.  It was beautiful.  Fire and ice roses.  When I asked how much he spent, he refused to tell me but after bugging him about it, he told me the price.  I told him to please never ever spend this much on flowers again.  He said nice flowers cost money.  I told him it's a waste of money !  He was like "I thought you said you love flowers ?".  I guess I don't.  I only like the idea of them :-)


The beauty about aging is that I discovered and learned a lot of things about myself.  I REALIZED I am not the romantic person I thought I am !  how shocking right ?  I am NOT a romantic at all.  I like the mushy fluffy romantic stuff in books and movies BUT I don't care for them in real life.  I'm very practical and a realist.  I hate the rain (it ruins my curls), I never even lit one candle in our house (I don't like the smell and the flickering light), I think flowers are a waste of money, I'm not crazy about surprises or surprise gift, don't like public display of affection, and don't like those gross nick name (angel, precious, sweetie, darling, < just typing them right now gives me goosebumps).  And I'm so glad C put up with me and all my romantic notions !

What I discovered over the years knowing C, is that he's is sweet and romantic in a different kind of way.  He makes me stuff.  He buys me little treats he knows I like.  He's the quiet caring kind of guy who does things without flaunting it.  Many of times, his thoughtful gestures go unnoticed by me :-(  And to be fair, he does spoil me with fancy gifts, in which I always return the very next day !  I like them but they are not worth the money.  I rather buy a pair or 2 of shoes and keep the rest of the money in our account.  (I've collected too many shoes over the years that C swears he will never buy me shoes).

Talk about sweet, about a year a go, I was telling my bestie Kim how I couldn't fit into a pair of tights so I jokingly ask C to wear it to stretch it out for me.  I left the room to talk to her in the office then I went back to our room, looking for something and to my surprise, I found C sitting on our bed, in his boxer, playing game on the ipad with my tights pulled up only to his thigh (he can't pull it up any higher).  He's trying to stretch it out to fit me !!!  It was so sweet and very manly of him to do so :-D  (if you know C, he's a man's man, so to see him wearing my tights it's simply awesome and funny).

For a while I've been wanting a little garden to plant my own veggies and fruits.  Then one early Saturday morning, Collin woke up to to tell me he's heading out for a bit.  I assumed it's his usual Sat. morning routine > a trip to the coffee shop and Home Depot (or Rona).  By noon I didn't hear from him so I called to check in.  He was like "I'm in the back yard".  "Doing what ?" I asked.  "Building a garden, come out and look" he replied.  I grudgingly put on a jacket and went to look.  I can't believe in that short period of time he built me a small garden with wooden fence around it and already planted the blueberry brushes.  Nice.

Lately, being pregnant with our second child, I often feel drained and sleepy.  I really appreciate that C has been taking Kaila out to give me some time and space for myself, to rest and read and watch movies :-)  it's exactly what I needed, not a walk in the rain or flowers or fancy gift !!!

That's Collin.  Not outright Mr. Romantic for people to see but a practical sweet guy that just go about his ways.  I can live without all those fluff stuff because thoughtfulness is what makes a relationship worth while and makes it last.  Luke, a friend of ours, once made a very good observation of us.  He said on the surface Tracy seems like the romantic type of person but it's Collin that is the one that's romantic.  And he's right.  I guess I did marry Mr. Romantic after all.

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