I heart being pregnant.  I remember the anticipation, the excitement, counting down to the day of the baby's arrival.  But before you can hold your bundle of joy and inhale in their wonderfully addicting baby smell, there are a few things you need to do to help prepare for their big debut.

In no particular order:

- Write a birthing plan
http://www.messymommy.com/2013/08/how-do-you-want-to-delivery-your-baby.html

-  Purchase newborn essentials:  MY LIST: approved car seat, crib, stroller, change table & pad, diapers, wipes, baby bath tub, organic body wash, bum cream (for rash), bibs, burp cloths (10 or more), receiving blankets, onesies, socks, mitts, hats, baby bottles, breast bump, nursing pad, soother/pacifier and thermometer. 

I feel these were what I needed right away after I bring baby home (breast feeding).  If you're going the formula route then stock up on newborn formula .  I didn't like diaper bag so I just used my carry-all bag.  I bought more baby stuff as we go along, as needed.  It works for me but in case you like to have everything prepared in advance, check out the link below for a more detailed/complete list:
http://www.todaysparent.com/checklists/newborn-checklist/

- Attend Lamaze class.  I know some people who opted out.  Personally I think it's good to attend one.  I found it beneficial to us.  Our instructor was very detailed, giving the class info. on all the pros. and cons. of birthing methods, pain relief options, the dos and don'ts, and best practices.  We even have a short briefing on infant CPR.  The question period was great and we learned a lot.  If anything, it's good to know what to expect leading to your birthing date !

- Take a hospital tour.  Not necessary but if you have time, I think it's good to take a tour of the hospital before you deliver.  Note where to sign in, emergency entrance, parking lot, delivering unit, etc.  Do a brief drive by around the hospital too, to figure out the best location to park, nearest entrance to delivering unit, etc. 

- Decide if you want private or shared overnight hospital room.  Is your partner going to sleep there with you and baby the first day or two ? 

I had a private room with my first and a shared room with my 2nd.  I recommend the private room (extended health care coverage paid for it).  The benefit is huge !  No one to worry about when you try to latch baby, when you nurse, when hubby help massage to get milk down, etc !!!  Also, the best part, you can use the bathroom whenever you want and take your time (trust me, you can't pee too fast in the first day or two !!!  your body is a bit lost on its ability to send messages to your brain:-) 
Also, hubby was sleeping over so in the private room, there were extra seats for him to stretch out and sleep.

The shared room is ok, you have SOME privacy but I dread waiting for the bathroom.  I also hate it when my baby just fall asleep and theirs decided to wake up and cry thunders & storms right then !  obviously my baby decided to wake up and join the fun.  No one gets a wink and if any one of us do, none get to shut their eyes for longer than 15 !!!

I want Honeybee to know about the "birds and the bees" but not sure what age is appropriate.  I myself didn't know where baby come from until I was 15. !  I'm a bit of a late bloomer in that department and I so want to avoid that for my daughter.  I'm sure as you're reading this you're thinking how stupid can I be ? or laugh and wonder how the heck can I not know ?  thing is, if you don't know what you don't know and no one tells you, you will never know what you don't know.  Simple as that. 

My conservative, strict, asian family wants to ensure that I am not exposed to anything about "s e x" that they refrained me from participating in sex-ed class.  To them, topics related to "s e x" are considered shameful.  It's something to never ever be discussed about at home or anywhere else.   I did once ask my mom where I came from and she said, her armpit !  And it can only happen after you get married.  OK ! And I wasn't thinking about getting marry anytime soon so I never doubted her or inquire more about where baby came from.

The internet wasn't around then so I couldn't just google up a question and get thousands of sites responding with answers.  Majority of my friends were asian, we don't talk about "those stuff" ...come to think of it...they might be just as clueless as me !  So there I was, pretty much in my own bubble, venturing through high school, at lost on a lot of things.

Looking back at my teenage years, I am glad the Lord watched over me.  I'm quite glad my insecurities about myself and not knowing how to kiss prevented me from dating. If someone likes me, I make sure it's a phone "relationship".  And I usually end it within a week so we don't have to go on an alone date. I was terrify of one on one date. Hence I never been on one. Which was good ! Man, with my cluelessness and teenage boy hormones, I could be a teenage mom with a few kids already back then !!!!!!!!!! yikes !

Things are a lot different now.  We're pretty much living in an x-rated world !  The onscreen tv kisses that my mom used to make me shield my eyes from, are now child's play.  On top of tv shows stretching their limits, we now have access to everything at our finger tips.  Adult ads are EVERYWHERE on the net.  I can't keep Honeybee in a bubble even if I want to !!!  Kids are exposed to all sorts of things at such a young age.  I know I know, not everything is bad but surely one must have to do their diligent to filter through the bad to find the goods (tv shows, internet sites, apps, games, etc) 

As a parent, we just have to keep up with all the technology changes, have to keep watch over our kids at all time.  If we don't, no one is.  At times I wonder if it's even worth my time to talk about abstinence-until-marriage to Honeybee (which I will).  I believe in it strongly and hope she will at least hear me out and hear the reason for it.  Just because society say what is now the NORM doesn't mean it is.  Just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean we should participate.  People know about AIDS, about STD, about herpes, and about other sexually transmitted disease YET there are many still think 1 night stand with a stranger is completely OK and acceptable.  Condom isn't 100% !  ok, 99% "safe" most of the time, but you can be the 1% !!!  I know I sound like prude but I so long for my daughters to give themselves away to the right guy  :)

I am planning on getting some books on how to effectively talk to my Honeybee about sex.  I need to convey it to her in an honest and factual way.  My upbringing might cause me to either overshare or under-share, so a lot preparation is needed.  As of now, I found myself still not comfortable talking about the subject  :-S  yes, even at 33 !  Sad I know !

I was reading a column on the 24hours talking about "dating" your current job, bringing the romance back into it and I couldn't help but chuckle.  I started to think about it and realized there are many similarities in the beginning of your job search and love search.  First there's the attraction, then the "get to know" and last is the "dating" period, where we constantly evaluate and assess the situation to see if we've made the right choice, and if there's a future for you two.

Soon after the inital attraction, you will reach the "get to know" phrase.  Here is your chance to really get to know what you're getting yourself into !!!  ask a lot of questions.  If anything makes you feel uncomfortable or iffy, address it right away.  Show your interest but don't give too much away.  Desperation is a big turn off.  When hiring, I never consider those that over sells themselves and willing to do anything to get the job.  I know they're at a dead end and would take whatever come their way > and to me that means temporary and I am looking for long term commitment.  So even if you're at the end of your rope, don't show your desperation !  Know your value and your worth.  Never ever ever settle.  You'll be wasting your precious time and risk loosing out on the perfect opportunity when it comes your way.  All because you're not available to take it.

Easy goals aren't soul satisfying.  We tend to not treasure those achievements.  It's not the best way to go at it but for many of us, it's encoded in our brain.  My expensive shoes gets better care and treatment than my cheapy ones.  Reason for my behaviour is, I can replace the cheap one anytime !  they are a dime a dozen.  Same goes for career and relationship, I think if we can easy get both, we would take them for granted, and chances are, we can easily leave them too.  Set your standards and don't take anything less.  Don't jump at the first job offer that comes your way. Take time to think it over.  If you're interested in someone then you got to put effort in getting to know them. But don't give all of yourself away too easily and too soon either.  Leave room for them to get to know you, to wonder about you, to guess, to imagine.  No one likes people who play "hard to get", but no one likes an "easy to get" person either !  balance, moderation is key :D  Just be yourself, no games, no motives !

The dating phrase is the evaluation period where we get personal !  After the first few weeks or months of the "honeymoon" period where everything is "wonderful" !  you will soon see and discover new things about the position/the person :D  Perhaps our job is nothing like the descriptions, some items were definitely left out.  The person you're interested in is actually not who you thought they would be.  You had your first blow out, your first disagreement.  Ugly skeletons are one by one slowly coming out of the closet.   Some will surprise you and some you're prepared for because you've been paying attentions to all the signs.  Take time to analyze and ask yourself  "Do you see/want them in your future ?"  Do you see them backing you up, partnering up with you or leaving you to fend for your self.  Don't make excuses, don't try to drown out your inner intuition, be honest.  You owe it to yourself that much.  If there're potentials, give it a shot and run away with it.  If there isn't, walk away before you get comfortable, then settle and will be that forever unhappy employee or unhappy wife/husband.

Lastly, you can always change job and yes, can change partner too, but to me, relationship is way way more important than a 9-5 job :-)  because it requires a lot more time and effort, heart and soul !  you can turn off work after you get home but you carry your love with you in your waking and in your sleeping.  A relationship that gone wrong can cause many heartaches, requires many bandages and a heck of time to heal from.  And time is an expensive EXPENSIVE commodity, know it's value and spend/invest it wisely !

I'm a romantic so naturally I hope to marry someone who is romantic.  You know, the dreamy main character in all romance books and movies.  I would imagine scene of me and Mr. Romantic walking hand in hand in the pouring rain, then out of blue he would turn and look deep in to my eyes, smiling with crystal rain drops dripping off his glossy hair, rolling down his chin, and slowly he would pull me closer, lower his head down to kiss me passionately...

Unfortunately, I did not marry for romance :-(  I love and marry Collin despite the fact that he is clueless to all things I deemed romantic.  No seranating of songs, room filled flowers, long walk in the pouring rain.  One time I asked C to go for walk in the rain, he said to me "I don't know about you Trace, but when it's raining, I like to get out of it.  Try it and let me know how it goes".  I did and lasted about 30 seconds.  I realized I'm not crazy about getting soaked either.  Those people in the books/movies are crazy for standing and embracing so long in the wet cold rain.

On our first Valentine together as a couple, I was so looking forward to all the Valentine stuff like roses, stuffed animals, candies, etc.  At 14, what girl doesn't like those stuff ?  Instead C came over with a dozen of paper roses.  I thanks him for them and pretend not to look disappointed.  The flowers that took C 2 weeks to put together, gluing each petal carefully one by one to form into a rose, lasted only a few months.  My mom thought they were a craft project I did at school and recycled them. 

The next Valentine together C out did himself.  He came over with the biggest of big flowers bouquet.  It was beautiful.  Fire and ice roses.  When I asked how much he spent, he refused to tell me but after bugging him about it, he told me the price.  I told him to please never ever spend this much on flowers again.  He said nice flowers cost money.  I told him it's a waste of money !  He was like "I thought you said you love flowers ?".  I guess I don't.  I only like the idea of them :-)

The beauty about aging is that I discovered and learned a lot of things about myself.  I REALIZED I am not the romantic person I thought I am !  how shocking right ?  I am NOT a romantic at all.  I like the mushy fluffy romantic stuff in books and movies BUT I don't care for them in real life.  I'm very practical and a realist.  I hate the rain (it ruins my curls), I never even lit one candle in our house (I don't like the smell and the flickering light), I think flowers are a waste of money, I'm not crazy about surprises or surprise gift, don't like public display of affection, and don't like those gross nick name (angel, precious, sweetie, darling, < just typing them right now gives me goosebumps).  And I'm so glad C put up with me and all my romantic notions !

What I discovered over the years knowing C, is that he's is sweet and romantic in a different kind of way.  He makes me stuff.  He buys me little treats he knows I like.  He's the quiet caring kind of guy who does things without flaunting it.  Many of times, his thoughtful gestures go unnoticed by me :-(  And to be fair, he does spoil me with fancy gifts, in which I always return the very next day !  I like them but they are not worth the money.  I rather buy a pair or 2 of shoes and keep the rest of the money in our account.  (I've collected too many shoes over the years that C swears he will never buy me shoes).

Talk about sweet, about a year a go, I was telling my bestie Kim how I couldn't fit into a pair of tights so I jokingly ask C to wear it to stretch it out for me.  I left the room to talk to her in the office then I went back to our room, looking for something and to my surprise, I found C sitting on our bed, in his boxer, playing game on the ipad with my tights pulled up only to his thigh (he can't pull it up any higher).  He's trying to stretch it out to fit me !!!  It was so sweet and very manly of him to do so :-D  (if you know C, he's a man's man, so to see him wearing my tights it's simply awesome and funny).

For a while I've been wanting a little garden to plant my own veggies and fruits.  Then one early Saturday morning, Collin woke up to to tell me he's heading out for a bit.  I assumed it's his usual Sat. morning routine > a trip to the coffee shop and Home Depot (or Rona).  By noon I didn't hear from him so I called to check in.  He was like "I'm in the back yard".  "Doing what ?" I asked.  "Building a garden, come out and look" he replied.  I grudgingly put on a jacket and went to look.  I can't believe in that short period of time he built me a small garden with wooden fence around it and already planted the blueberry brushes.  Nice.

Lately, being pregnant with our second child, I often feel drained and sleepy.  I really appreciate that C has been taking Kaila out to give me some time and space for myself, to rest and read and watch movies :-)  it's exactly what I needed, not a walk in the rain or flowers or fancy gift !!!

That's Collin.  Not outright Mr. Romantic for people to see but a practical sweet guy that just go about his ways.  I can live without all those fluff stuff because thoughtfulness is what makes a relationship worth while and makes it last.  Luke, a friend of ours, once made a very good observation of us.  He said on the surface Tracy seems like the romantic type of person but it's Collin that is the one that's romantic.  And he's right.  I guess I did marry Mr. Romantic after all.

While cleaning out my closet I came across some old pictures and diaries ! Since our anniverary is coming up, I thought it would be nice to venture back in time. Wow, reading these diaries gave me such a bad headache ! I was full of DRAMA.  I sure wrote a lot though.  If I knew you back then, you can be sure you had a page or 2 in the book. I still write a lot now too !!! Some things don't change !

Here's a summary on my relationship with Collin ! it's really long but we were together for so long, this is the shortest I can sum up of our years long courtship !!!

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When Tracy first met Collin at church, she didn't know he was Mr. Right. She wasn't looking for Mr. Right. She was 10 years old. What does a kid know about the "right one" anyways at that age. She knew she didn't like him much though, from what she saw and heard about him.

Collin was full of attitude, very mouthy, a bully and a hyper kid, who, some how, always managed to get every other kid to listen to him.  They would participate in whatever silly games he came up with, or follow him where he goes and do whatever he does. He would pick on younger kids, stuff his mouth with food and play pranks on people. He was so bratty and Tracy disliked everything about him.

Tracy's family moved away, then a few years later, when they're both in high school, Tracy bumped into Collin at Johnny Zee's arcade. She found him less hyper, more calm, nicer, and looks better too. Although she did think his lips are too big for his head. Through the accidental meet up, they found out they have mututal friends. That summer they saw each other often and started to become friends.

One uneventful summer afternoon, Collin's friend, Flav, let Tracy in on a secret that Collin is interested in her. She wasn't sure how she felt about him. Despite her confident appearance, nobody knew that Tracy was actually a very insecure person who had many moments of low, and felt like she never fit in anywhere. Tracy also never had a real relationship, didn't know what it is about, didn't know what to do on a date, and had never kissed anyone. Being insecure, she was worried he might find out about the real Tracy so she just left it as that. She's not going to do anything about it. But with the friend keep on rooting for them, encouraging them to be brave and give it a shot, Collin and Tracy started to date.

It was all rosy for about a month, and then they go promising each other to be honest with each other at ALL.TIMES. It was the worst thing that ever happened. They fight practically every day, she would tell him what she doesn't like about him and he would tell her what he doesn't like about her.  She would tell him what to do.  He would tell her what to do. Honesty was so not the best policy.

Tracy felt that Collin was too tall for her and dresses too clean.  Collin thinks Tracy needs to wear less dark make up and needs to be less friendly to everyone she meets.

Tracy was naive, doesn't think about consequences and opinionated. Collin was too careful, over thinking everything and mr. know-it-all.

They tried to change each other and failed every time and each time their frustration level turned up a notch.

Tracy also spent countless hours crying because she was unsure if Collin still likes her or finds her attractive. Collin was going out of his mind reassuring Tracy everything is fine and that he still likes her much.

Then Tracy broke up with Collin because she was afraid he would break if off with her first. She's too prideful to let that happen.

Then Tracy asked Collin to take her back. And he did.

She then broke up with him again because she thinks he's a spoiled brat and cheap. Then they would get back together.  He's not cheap, just poor student with little money, working part time at Pizza Hut.  He's also not spoiled either.  Just a misconception.

There were so many things about Tracy that Collin doesn't like. There were so many things about Collin that Tracy doesn't like. So they broke up many times, but time and time again they found themselves back together. They realized they like each other very much despite all their imperfections.   They enjoyed each other's company and loved to talk to each other.  Their longest phone conversation was somewhere around 14 hours. 

There were more storms than sunshines at the beginning of Collin and Tracy's whirlwind courtship. But they kept hanging on, holding tight onto the commitment they've made to each other > to try their best to make things work and always keep the communication channel going.  Sometimes the future looks dim. They prayed a lot for their future.

As the days and months passed, instead of focusing on unpractical expectations, each other's outward appearance, and unrealistic ideas they filled their head with, they focused on getting to know the person, who Tracy and Collin really is.  They learned of each other's thoughts, hopes and dreams. What excites them, what makes them sad, what they hate most. What makes them laugh, cry and what they want in life. They grow together through their bumpy teenage stage and came out in one piece after, together, as expected.

From liking each other's as a person, they then falled in love with each other.  In their time spent together, their bond became tigher, they became a team and focused on the same life and faith goals.  They agreed that God has to be the center of their relationship, as He has been there for them supporting them from the gecko. He was the one that brought them together, closer and helped them bring out the best in each other. They both each have grown into the person that the other are proud to call their life partner.

And that "honesty" policy they had at the beginning of the relationship, though at times they thought was the worse idea, was actually a great idea.  It just needs to be done at a right time.  Despite the wrong timing, they kept it going and shared with each other often what's in their heart and mind.  They believe that by being honest with each other, they're keeping each other in check, accountable, and that if there's issue to work out, it can be done right away.  No bottled up feeling, anger or hurt was allowed.

They rarely argue now that they've confronted all the issues earlier on the relationship. However Collin and Tracy still disagree on a lot of things!  Simply because they are different people with different views.  Their differences add dynamic to their relationship, makes it better. It's quite fun not to think alike all the time.  They bounced ideas of each other and learned much from the other.  What was important is they shared the same life goals and agreed on the major things in life, like God and family. And they knew from experience it's the major things that count, that mattered, not the small stuff.

They were on a good track. After graduation from high school, Collin was thinking of becoming an auto mechanic and Tracy was thinking of becoming an accountant. They weren't really sure what they want to do, and weren't ambitious people.  They pray continously for God to help them find a career that they would enjoy.  They pray to make just enough, so they can save enough to get marry, to start spending their life together.

What they both didn't know was the LORD has a completely different plan for both of them, now that they're ready for marriage. And His plans were perfect and good.

If you're going to brag, please have something for show.  It's my pet preeve to hear people brag and brag and got nothing to show.  Why are there so many people with unrealistic view of themselves ?  not even a grain of modesty.  And feel no shame blowing up their own image.  And what makes it worse, is no one breaks out the honest truth to them that, um, "YOU SUCKED !!!"

OK, so there were a few times I do feel like I'm "IT" but trust me, it never last very long because I, fortunately and unfortunately, have a pretty clear idea of who I am and I also have people who make sure I don't get carry away with it. 

I've seen countless of bad singers on American Idols who came out crying and their friends would comfort them and most always, say stuff like "they don't know talent" !  I want to yell to them "Dude, they (the judges) don't know talent that's why they're making millions of dollars !!!".  "Dude, I saw your friends, I would never buy an album from him.  He sucked so bad !!!"

So, why aren't more of us give our honest opinion ?  BECAUSE we're POLITE !  because we don't care, we're not responsible for you.  Why would we go out of our way to point out your short comings when you think you're amazing ?  Why should we pop your bubble and watch your fall flat ?   We don't have time to deal with you > so we will never say to your face:  your party is boring, I want to poke my eyes out !  or you aren't that successful, or your design needs to have a design, your cooking sucks, you have no fashion sense, why are you bragging about what you have, your parents paid for it !  did you work and save for it ?  no ?  then shut it !!!!

Maybe I'm going through a phrase, where I about just have enough of people bragging about what they have, about their kids, about the amazing rocks in their garden !!!  I refuse to listen and waste my brain cells and time, which I will never never get back.  If you're good, if your work is great, if your creation is beautiful, if you're talented, if you're successful at what you do, PEOPLE WILL NOTICE !  no need to toot your own horn, no need put yourself up on a pedestal.  Parents, *take note*, please don't brag about your kids.  Because no matter how great your kid is, MINE IS BETTER THAN YOURS X 10 !!!  Joking aside, when you brag (different from being proud of your kids' achievement), you're opening door for people to judge your kids.  It's good to think your kid is great, amazing, one in a million, etc.  Every kid is unique and great, so please let's not lift yours up and put others down. 

I know I repeat myself alot of the kids and parents but I have annoying people I know who brags about their kids ALL.THE.TIME when their kids (adults) have nothing to show, has nothing great going on, can barely hold a job.  And it urkes me sooooooooooo much.  I know it's done out of insecurity but still, to sit through it is brutal and I so so so wanted to burst their bubble with a loud *BANG*.  I feel bad for the kids but I can't help disliking them in the same time because of their parents bad behaviours.

I know honest words are hard to swallow.  Like when my friends tell me the outfit I'm wearing isn't flattering, my home decor is boring, my hair is too big, etc !  Though tough to accept at first, I appreciate them all in the same time.  Friends that can be honest to you are TREASURES, they are GOLD !  being too blunt is a different story, but honest words with affection are always always welcome.  And you got take them with a grain of salt !  Because beauty and design is very objective, so these are what they are, COMMENTS, one's personal observation !  however they're not saying it for you to go changing !!!  YOU have to make that choice for yourself !!!

So upon reexamining it, it's true the dress I'm wore last is making me look shorter than I already am, so that will be stored away until I can get to altering it !!  as for my home decor/my hair, well I love coming home to my house, I love my big huge hair, and wish it can be bigger !!!  that's why it's my house, my hair NOT yours.  And knowing my friends, they would say "so be it, I love you just the same".  If I go bragging about it then that would be a different story.  No one likes a bragger.

When typing up all these I was reminded of Luke 14, when Jesus was at some important Pharisee's house (a group of people who think they're experts in everything and better than others, my own translation), where He shares about having compassion for people despite their status, their wealth, their illness, what is deemed "right" by certain group of people.  Basically, it's about being humble and not to think we're better than others.  Verse 11 said "For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."  It's true.  It happened.  And being the emotional person I am, no matter how much I dislike braggers, I often feel sorry for them when I either find out the truth about their situation or if someone knocked them down. 

I learned something while ranting about this topic !!!   God gives me wisdom to choose my battle and this is one I will choose carefully.  If I care enough and decided to honest to a certain someone I have to do it lovingly and not while I'm raging with annoyance and perhaps with jealousy just because I can't make my lips praise me as much as them.

Not all babies are born chubby.  Did you know that ?  it seems a lot of people out there doesn't.   I know it first hand because people always say to me with a puzzled look "your baby is skinny ! ????????"  A rhetorical question that makes me feel like the worse mother on the planet.

 

People would ask me questions like "does she eat ?", "do you have issue feeding her", "is she well", "do you use formula", etc.  I know many of them formula feed their kid (hence they're really big in size) YET somehow their comments make me feel guilty for breast feeding mine > The most natural way and best way I know for my baby.  When around the asian parents, they would comment stuff like bigger baby means they're healthier.   The caucasian parents are more polite, they would say stuff like "don't worry, she'll catch up" !  I think my daughter is fine the way she is.  My baby is healthy even if she isn't fat.  Who makes up that standard anyway ???

I do feed my daughter.  I feed her a lot in fact.  I don't know how to go about proving it because she's got little meat on her.  She's really active...if that justified anything.  I really don't know why she's not meaty or overweight looking.  Some day I let it slide, some day I found myself babbling on about what I fed her.  Thing is, I can't believe my daughter is already judged at only few months old.  I have to bite down my lips, not wanting to say some mean things back.  I don't know how many times I have to tell people "she eats, she eats a lot"  yes, despite what she looks like, she DOES eat and loves to eat !  I DO FEED my baby !  After countless times repeating myself, I gave up !

I wish I can say that those people's comments don't get to me because they do.  I find myself in a rut some times, slipping in a baby meal replacement here and there, and pray that she would put on a few pounds.  I just want people to leave us alone.  I am a good mom damn it !!!  I don't need to fatten her up to show to people how great she is, or how great of a mom I am.

As a woman, I realized our weight image and issue will follow us for as long as we live.   Which is quite sad isn't it ?  My Honeybee knows, and understands words now, maybe not the whole context of thing, but she understands words.  I just have to politely ask people to be careful with what they're saying around my daughter.  Today might be "she's skinny", in the future might be "she's overweight" or "she's chubby" or "she's short".  People need to guard their lips and careful about their words around kids.