Unless we're in the other's person shoes, going through their circumstances, experiencing what they're experiencing their whole lives, only then we can fully understand the "whys". While it's easy for me to say "well that's selfish", I can look back at my life and list out all the decisions I made that are purely driven to benefit me. Aren't we then the same ? We must not judge others but instead offer to listen and when asked, offer up thoughtful words. Perhaps asking questions to help our friends sort out their thoughts and feelings. We can never fully understand why people do the things they do, but we must not stop trying. During the "trying" phrase will understand ourselves more and it a way help us see things a bit clearly. We know our friends best. When something is out of the norm for them, probe, ask questions, listen to what they're really saying, listen for their intent. While we respect their decisions, don't be afraid to ask them questions about it, and always keep the communication channel open. Be honest with our friends.
When one of my girlfriend has a really bad thoughts, I went ballistic because I know this is her emotional taking center stage here, she's a very sound person, this is so off grid. She went into hiding as she doesn't want to talk to anyone. I called her work place and told whoever that picked up her phone to tell her to call me right away. It felt like I have minutes to talk some sense into her. If she didn't call me back that morning, plan B was to charge into her workplace. I was shaking and crying at work because she's about to make a very bad decision.
Long story short, I'm glad I went the distance for it. I would regret it so much if I didn't. Sometime supporting a friend doesn't mean we sit back and say go ahead. I don't want friend that doesn't question my decision, especially when it goes against what I believe all along. I want friend that care enough to tell me the brutal truth, to call me out, to make me think twice, like saying "No, this isn't you, remember you said this and this and you want this and this". And I want to be that friend to my friend. What's friendship with out honesty right ? Anyways, my friend choose not to go forward with her plan which allows me to exhale and sleep that day ! It was the most stressful and frustrating day ever but it has a good ending so all it all, I thank God it ended well. And my friend is now happy and that's most important.
