I have zero experience in adult dating and breaking up. I sympatize with my girlfriends when I can but often feel quite helpless in the advice department. Listening is pretty much all I can offered and most often is all that is needed from me but what is a friend without a few words of advices right ? After all we know our friends most and some time it helps having a 3rd set of eyes to give an observation into the situation. What I lack in the dating department I do know in relationship, friendship. The hurt and pain of loosing someone important. I have had my fair share of people hurting me. And one thing I walked away from it is to learn to LET GO ! I can't control the other people and how they treat me but I can control myself. And myself is telling me I need to move on. If I don't let go, it'll be something like emotional hoarding, taking up uneccessary space and choking the life out of your heart. One morning on the train ride to work I saw a clip on 24hrs newspaper on breaking up and sliding back in ! found it quite interesting, maybe not seeing every point eye to eye but nonetheless good to know !!! here it is after much searching for the online article:
by Sarah Rowland for 24Hours
Try this simple test: Ask yourself, “If I sit down for lunch with my ex, will hearing about his/ her new date A) grind my heart into minced meat or B) set me free, knowing he/she has truly moved on?” If the answer is A), then clearly, you’re not ready.
So before you start thinking of new and creative ways to reopen the lines of communication between you and your ex, be warned: There is no slope more slippery than the breakup backslide.
Here, then, are three classic regressive moves to avoid:
Banter baiting
This is when you try to re-engage your ex with private jokes and references. The underlying hope is to rekindle that intimate connection you two once shared. And you might think you’re being oh so clever when you send that cute little text, but the truth is if your ex is over you, then this ploy will be totally transparent.
On the other hand, if your ex is not over you, then you might be heading for a relationship relapse, so think twice before you press “send.”
Here, then, are three classic regressive moves to avoid:
Banter baiting
This is when you try to re-engage your ex with private jokes and references. The underlying hope is to rekindle that intimate connection you two once shared. And you might think you’re being oh so clever when you send that cute little text, but the truth is if your ex is over you, then this ploy will be totally transparent.
On the other hand, if your ex is not over you, then you might be heading for a relationship relapse, so think twice before you press “send.”
Extending the exchange
There’s no getting around it — you’ve got to return each other’s belongings eventually. But whenever possible, try doing the handoff in one big exchange — as oppose to breaking it down into several drop-offs and pick-ups.
Otherwise, you’re just prolonging the inevitable, as well as risking re-engagement.
So before you call up the ex to ask, “Hey, did I leave my $10-fake gold hoop earring at your place?” ask yourself, “Is is really about the missing inanimate object or is it more about making a lastditch effort to reconnect, and therefore, dragging out our breakup?”
If you don’t know the answer, here’s a hint: It’s almost never about the “things.”
Swan song sex
You might be thinking, how much harm could one more romp for the road do? Well, a lot, actually. After all, it could lead to more postbreakup sex, which may seem hot at the time, yes; but before you know it, you’re in that dreaded grey area, where you’re having no-strings-attached sex with someone you once shared a life with.
And honestly, is that kind of relationship downgrade really what you want, or are you selling yourself short?
