privacy:  freedom from the intrusion of others

There I was, lurking over a friend of friends' page !  envious a little at their wonderful FB life.  You know who you are !  Ones who posted countless pictures of themselves at some far far away land, with the wind blowing through their hair, the sun kissing their perfect skin, and them indulging in some amazing food !  SANS kids pulling on them at every directions !!!  It's great that we're not "friends" and I still have access to all their albums and personal info such as birth date, address, and phone number.  It surprises me how many people set their page on public mode !  I noticed they posted up their birth date and their home address (set their event invite to public view).  Anyone in the business of stealing identity will be jumping for joy, because frankly, careless people like these make it quite easy for them to.

All that aside, yesterday I went into my Privacy Settings just to see if FB did any updates behind my back :-)  Nothing changed.  Then when I went and check on my Active Sessions (in the Security Settings tab), I saw that I currently have an active facebook session in Edmonton !  I never been to Edmonton !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Needless to say, I quickly click on End Activity, reset my password and click YES on logging me off all active sessions.

I feel uneasy knowing someone has access to my account.  The hacker didn't post anything < which is smart because if they did I would have known right away my account was hacked.  What I learned from this is that:  ALWAYS LOG OFF YOUR FB ACCOUNT !!!  I always forget to log out :-(   Learn from me, always log out !!!  Especially if you use free wifi from coffee shop or restaurant.  Actually, you should avoid login into any account on public wifi.  This is because if the hacker is on the same network, using free public wifi as you, they can easily hack into your session.  Avoid it if you can, and if you can't, remember to Log Out to end your activity.  Also, you should change your password every so often too !

After I changed my password and added my phone # for account verification, I decided to look through my privacy settings AGAIN to ensure I got all bases covered.  If you want to protect, want to make your personal info, posts on timeline, pictures/tagged pictures and comments avail. to you or your friends only, here's what to do:

>  Privacy:  Who can see your future posts?  Change it to Friends, if you want the world to have access to your info then leave it as Public.  I don't want stranger to look me up on fb, so I set the Who can contact me? to only Friends of Friends.   Who can look me up using my email address ?  Friends !  no stranger should have my email address.  And I don't want search engines to link to my timeline so I turned it Off

> Timeline and Tagging:  Who can add things to my timeline ?  I don't want stranger to post on my timeline (my page) so I set it to Friends.  And I also only want Friends to see posts I was tagged in.  I went the extra mile and turn ON the Review any posts that I'm tagged in, before it can appear on my timeline.   

> Blocking:  You can set up a Restricted List of people you don't want to see your post.  IF you do use this option, MAKE SURE you set the Who can see my stuff? (in the Privacy tab) to Friends.

> Apps:  I deleted all the apps !  You probably have a few in here, if you play games, entered in a contest or like a page or use Instagram, etc.  All these apps have access to your personal info, the pages you like, groups you belong to, etc.  I don't like giving companies my info. so I deleted them all.

> Ads:  I set it to No One on sharing my personal info. to Third Party Sites or Ads & Friends (another word is Advertisers).  I don't need my friends AND stalkers to know what restaurant I eat at or where I like to shop ! 

There you have it !!!  Keep your info. private people !!!



This tasty dish is by far the easiest Vietnamese dish with little prep and cooking time !

Ingredients:

- meat (you can use beef, chicken, or pork, whatever meat you got around)
  * I haven't try yet but I'm sure tofu or shrimp would be a good substitution for meat too.
- garlic (smashed some ginger too if you are cooking with beef)
- vegetarian mushroom oyster sauce (or oyster sauce + a little sugar)
- vermicelli (usually 1 1/2 stack for 1 person, 3 for 2, 6 for 4, etc)
- dry raw whole peanuts (you can also use packaged crushed plain peanuts)
- 1 table spoon of cooking oil
- Vietnamese dipping sauce (instructions here, you can make this ahead of time)

Veggies (You can use any of these or opt out altogether):  lettuce, mints, basils, cilantros, bean sprouts, pickled daikon/carrot strips, or cucumber slices.

This is the brand of vegetarian sauce I use: Wan Ja Shan (from T&T market)

Prepping:

- put vermicelli stacks in a pot cold water.  Put the pot on the stove and bring to boil (2 cups of water for every 1 stack of vermicelli). 
- soak and clean your veggies, let it air dry on a colander
- thinly sliced meat
- smashed garlic

Check your pot of vermicelli !  Once it's a rolling boil, turn off the heat and leave it there to cook for another 5 min.  Test for doneness by breaking off a strand with your index finger and thumb.  If breaks off with a light pinch then it's done.  Drain the vermicelli in a colander.

This is the only brand I use (just look for package with yellow bird at the market), it has a nice chewy texture.

Cooking Instructions:

Meat:  In a non-stick pan, put in the cooking oil, then add the smashed garlic (and ginger if using), stir around until fragrant.  Put in the meat and cook until no longer pink.  Pour in a some vegetarian mushroom sauce !  stir and taste to your liking. 

*Rule of thumb is to add sauce a little at a time so if it's light you can always add more !  If add too much at once, it'll be too salty !!!  you can rectify by adding some sugar or if really salty, pour in some water and drain out the sauce.  NOT best practice but thought I offer solution if you screwed up :-)

If you choose to make home roasted peanuts like me, here's how:

Roasted peanuts:  In a pan, on medium heat, pour some salt in, enough to line the pan.  Then put in the dry raw peanuts and let it roast on top of the salt.  Stir around a few times.  Once the outside red shells cracked, and the inside peanuts are a golden color, remove from heat.

Pour onto a sieve to rid the salt.  Rub the peanuts with your hand to remove the outer red shells. and put the peanuts into a mortar.  Gently crush with a pestle.

Serving:

In a pasta bowl, put all the ingredients next to each other (like the photo at top).  Or if you prefer layering them, line the bottom of bowl with the green veggies, then vermicelli, top off with meat, and sprinkle with the crushed peanuts.  Before you chow down, pour some Vietnamese dipping sauce all over !  Enjoy !  Nom nom nom !
 

Good nuoc mam makes or breaks a Vietnamese dish !!!  Vietnamese dipping sauce is so versatile !  There are so many ways to use it.  You can use it for dipping, cooking, marinating, or dressing a vermicelli dish or salad (goi).  The component of the sauce is a few ingredients, but to master it takes a few practices :-)  why ?  because the type of fish sauce, sugar, chillies, can alter the taste and you will have to play around to see what you like, what you should add more,  less, etc.

Here's the 1-2-3 of it:

1 part* fish sauce, 1 part lime
2 part* water
3 part* white granulated sugar (if use organic sugar or cane sugar use 4 part, never use brown sugar)

If you don't have lime, white vinegar will do, or even lemon.  But sour green lime is the best !

*part here means your instrument of measurement (spoon, cup, etc).  For example, if you use 2 table spoons of fish sauce then add 2 spoons of lime juice, 4 spoons of water and 6 of sugar, etc.

ADD minced garlic and red chilies to your liking.

To make enough for 4-6 adults , I would use 3 tablespoons of fish sauce, 4 cloves of garlic, 1 thai chilies, 3 tablespoons of lime juice, 6 tablespoon of water and 9 table spoon of sugar.

Direction:

1.  In a bowl, measure and add the fish sauce and water together.

2.  Chop up the garlic and the chilies into small pieces.

3.  Measure the sugar and put it aside.

4. In a mortar, put in 1/4 of the sugar (leave the rest a side), add in the garlic, and the red chili/ies.  Pound them with the pestle into a paste.  This brings out the flavours in the garlic and the chillies !  Wonderful aroma :-D

5.  Using a spoon, scrape out the paste and put it in the fish sauce/water mixture. 

6.  Squeeze the lime, measure it and add to the liquid.

7.  Add the remaining sugar. 

8.  Stir the sauce until all the sugar dissolved. 

Taste and see if the flavor is to your liking.  It should be not too salty, more sweet, slightly sour, and flavourful (from the garlic and chillies).

When it comes to fish sauce, I always use Viet Huong 3 Crabs brand fish sauce.  It's light, not too salty, not too smelly :)  Great for making dipping sauce, to cook or to add to broth. 

Viet Huong fish sauce $6-$8, available at all major Asian supermarkets

Red Boat 40N fish sauce, $10+ at major markets

Another brand I like is Red Boat fish sauce.  This one is authentic fish sauce with no added ingredients or MSG.  I found the smell is quite pungent (what it supposed to be I guess) and it's a bit on the salty side so I usually add more sugar and lime to balance out the taste.

Here's an excerpt from their website:

"Red Boat is an all-natural, first press, “extra virgin” Vietnamese fish sauce. It does not contain added water, preservatives or MSG. Made from a two hundred year-old, chemical free, artisanal process, Red Boat uses only the freshest cá com (black anchovy), salted minutes after leaving the sea then slow aged for over a year in traditional wooden barrels. Red Boat anchovies are sourced exclusively from the crystal clear waters off the Phu Quoc Island archipelago."



Other popular brand you will find at the Asian markets are Golden Boy fish sauce and Squid brand fish sauce.  I don't like them as I found there's too much salt in there and little fish taste (little to no fish smell).  They are ok for cooking, not so great for making dipping sauce.  However if that's all you got around, I would use 1 part more sugar.  For example, if you use 1 tablespoon of fish sauce, use 4 tablespoon of white sugar.  Play around and adjust it to your liking.  Have fun making it !

You went on vacation, took some great pictures and wanted to share them to your fb circle of friends.  After uploaded all the pictures and clicked the Post Photos button, you can't wait to see how they look on your page.  You clicked on a photo and first thing you noticed, the image looked blurry, fuzzy, pixelated, so far from the original picture.  What happened ?

FB Compresssion is what happened !!!  Whenever you upload an image onto an album, behind the scene (on the fb server), sets of codes are run and what they do is that, they shunk each image down to the size and quality resolution that is acceptable to facebook.  What a bummer right ?  So, there are 2 ways to go about this, 1. you can complain to fb all you want in the hope they will change their coding, or 2. embrace their codes and work with it :-)



I uploaded both on fb, one with 600px canvas width (fuzzy) compare to 1200px canvas width (more sharp/crisp)

I know FB will never change their ways, so I went with option 2.  Here's the short answer, when you're ready to upload your pictures to fb, if you want to retain some quality of the photos, resize the size of your pictures as follow:

- If landscape, set at 1200 pixel width at 72 dpi (if image is too big for your liking, 900 pixel width is kinda ok looking too)

- If portrait, set at 900 pixel height at 72 dpi (I noticed fb brings it down to 846px, which works too)

After you resized your pictures, create an album or open as existing one on facebook.  Click on add photos, and select all photos you want to upload.  Before you click Post, make sure to check the High Quality checkbox at the bottom left corner of the screen.  That's all there is to it !!!

I've been playing around with the sizes of pictures on facebook for a while and these are what worked for me.  I prefer quality and smaller photos but so far, 900 pixel width is the smallest :-(

 

Summer came and went, school is back in full session, marking an end of wedding season.  I love wedding !  watching 2 people making commitment of a life time together is pretty awesome.  In a world where many opted for "let's just move in together", wedding is all the more special for guest like me.

When I heard the pastor talk about marriage, how it's like a house that needs constant care, up keeping, cleaning, labouring, to keep in good shape, I am reminded to keep on tending my marriage.  To nourish, protect and defend it.

I thought my husband and I worked out all of our differences in our almost 10 years of dating.  Boy, was I ever wrong.  After we got married, one afternoon he went and sucked up my socks when he vacuumed the house.  I was beyond M.A.D !  I almost bust out my Ryu's Shoryuken on him.  How dare him ?  how DARE him ?  I put my socks on the floor, so what ?  no right for him to suck it up.  His take ?  if they are not in the dresser or laundry basket, it's open for judgement.  It took me weeks to get over it but get over it I did.  That was just 1 incident out of many in our 10 years of marriage.  Nowadays, I'm much less sloppy and he's a lot less of a clean freak :D

Marriage my friend, is when we choose to love the same person over and over and over again.  Our husband is not perfect, and he never will be !  Bummer, I know !  He will annoy us, provoke us, disappoint us, but he will also loves imperfect us to no end.  Don't give up too easily, and make divorce NOT an option.  Great relationship, great marriage, is the outcome of passing through the trials of life and stand the test of time with the same person.   Nothing awesome comes easily !!!

My cousin, once removed, just got married this past weekend. It was such a sweet and personal wedding.  Near the entrance way of the garden, the bride had put a message tree there and asked all the guests to hang up their wishes and advices for their marriage.  I hung 1 up but got too many to share.  I decided to write up a post on it to serve as reminder for me too ! 

Marriage is a lot of work, but the fruits of your labour will be pretty sweet.  This I know is true !

Below are what I learned (and still trying to hone them) through my 10 years of marriage.  I came from a family line of dominating women :-) who get the last say in all things, everything, so for me, compromising, is something I struggle with.   Here's my take on how to love, cherish and respect your husband:

Pray for him.  Your husband is one important person in your life, who you will do life with, make him your priority in prayer.  My husband brings out the worst and greatest in me, he's involved in all the details of my life, so in praying for him, I'm praying for me, for us.

Know his love language and communicate it often.  There are 5 love languages:  Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.  Discover what makes your husband feel loved and do it often.

Don't talk behind his back.  Ladies, I know we love to vent ! and for some of us, when we're frustrated, we trash talk our husband to release steam.  Venting is ok but in our anger, it's easy to make our husband appear to be a complete idiot or an ass.  Be careful with your words, because your friends don't know your relationship, don't live with you days in and out, don't reside in your brain :-( so even if he's a good man with an off day, they can't help but see him in the negative light you put him under.  Which sucks because most of the time he's awesome right ? 

Hubby and I are big time jokesters and I'm a bit of a sarcastic.  I like to tease my hubby and over exaggerated things in front of our friends.  One time I went a bit too far and hubby pulled me aside later and told me that what I said wasn't nice.  I told him our friends know us, know that I'm being sarcastic.  Yes our friends know us, he pointed out, but my friend's boyfriend doesn't !!!  Oh yeah, crap, I completely forgot about him.  Man, I just unintentionally made my husband out to be such a jerk  :-(  I went and told them I was just kidding but still, I should have been careful with my words.



Compliment your husband !  not that he needed them, but it's a nice feeling being recognized for our good work.  For me, to hear my kid tell me I'm "Superman", or my husband thank me for a good dinner, it's a lovely feeling.  I want the same for the people I love.  Just to reassure them that "yeah, you still got it !" :)

Our husbands need that assurance too.  Compliment him when you two are alone and when you're amongst friends - on the thoughtful things he did/does, like how he always take out the trash, the yummy dinner he made,  etc.  I know I like it whenever hubby compliment me in front of our friends.  It makes me feel like he's proud of me, that he's glad to be married to me.  It's a nice feeling and I want to reciprocate it. 

Please don't fake it or over-do it :-)  it should come from the heart, where it's real, genuine !  anything else is just pointless and annoying (to others).

Don't belittle him.  Don't make your husband feel like he's any less than important.  We're not in a relationship with our self, we're in a marriage with an equal partner.  Your husband plays the other main role in the movie of your marriage, and have just as much rights and voice as you.  It's important to compromise, to learn when to take the lead and when to take the back seat.  Yield to each other. Trust each other.

 

Say "Thank You", it goes a long way.  Be specific, like "thank you for..." and avoid "thanks for everything", it's too general.  A heart felt words of gratitude will make your husband's day.  I know it because I can see the big grin on my husband's face when I thanked him.  I didn't know such simple words can do that and wonder why I don't do it more often.  I know why, it's because I'm busy and a part of me feel he's just doing his duties of a husband :-(  But I thank people everyday, at work, coffee shop, restaurant, etc. why not to my love ?   *sigh* it's so easy to take them for granted right ladies ?  I'm trying to be mindful everyday so my husband knows that I appreciate him.

Correct privately.  One thing my husband and I agreed on doing when we were dating is that, we correct each other in private, never public.  We all have pride and it's important that we don't shoot down each other's pride in public.  If one of us said or did something unpleasant, we can discuss later when we're alone, out from watchful eyes, and discouraging lips.  By doing that, the person being "talked to" is more open to criticism, more susceptible to the other's views and suggestions.

Don't nag :-)  your husband is not a child and you not his mother.  Nagging not only annoys your husband, it will agitate you also.  Talk it out if it's an issue, other wise, repeating yourself doesn't do anyone any good.  If you think nagging will "change" your husband, hahaa, I got news for you :-)  no one change because someone nagged them ! 

I must confess, I'm a nagger !  I know, I hate naggers and I became one when I turned 30.  I turned into this annoying woman, who is so. not. fun to be around !  One day when I nagged and nagged my husband to turn off the TV, because no one is watching it.  He said me "I'm trying to finish this, what's the rush ?",  "what's the rush ?" I stopped in my track and asked myself, "yeah, what's the rush ?"  the TV isn't going anywhere.  I realized the problem of my nagging !  I want things done my way, right away.  I'm a bit of an impatience !  (I'm cringing while typing this)  Yike, I'm so demanding, so bossy.  It's so insensitive and inconsiderate of me !  Tell him to stop what he's doing and do what I asked, is like me saying to him, you're not important, I am and you must do what I say now.  I don't know why I just turn it off myself ?  I'm right there !!!  Unintentionally, I made myself superior and belittled him :-( not cool right !  I see the light !!!  I see the light ! 

Encourage your husband.  Our man can use a little support from us wife from time to time.  Being a husband, family and financial burden weight heavily on him.  Not that we put it on him, it's just how it is for men.  How do we support and encourage our husband so they feel appreciated and love ?  In our marriage, I try to point out his qualities, values I admire most.  Though I'm thankful for a lot of things he does for me and the girls, I try to focus on him as a person, on who he is, and not on what he does.  Affirm him on his strengths and characters.  My husband is a man of god, a gentleman with a good heart, and I want to let him know that.

Give grace.  Marriage cannot survive without grace.  I know of grace by Jesus dying on the cross to save me, loving me even though I don't deserve it.  So grace in my human definition, is doing/giving to others even when I feel they don't deserve it.  In my marriage, what does grace look like ?  it's being kind in my words, in my actions.  Grace is saying I'm sorry, is showing appreciation, gratitude.  It's about putting my husband before me sometime.  Grace doesn't keep record of wrongs, doesn't punish, doesn't 'settle the score'.  Grace is forgiving one another. 

The thing is grace is that, it's not something you do and call it "grace" !  Grace has to be from the depth of heart.  Giving without expecting anything in return.  It can not be fake, can not be mimicked.  I can "practice" grace all I want but if it doesn't flow naturally from the heart, it does nothing to better me or my relationships (marriage, friends, families).  I desire to be grace-full, hence I'm constantly seeking for grace from the One person I know who is full of grace, Jesus.  The more I am in His presence, in His grace, I feel loved as I am.  Knowing there's nothing I can do to loose His love, it's an indescribable incredible feeling.  I hope the grace I experienced will flow from me to my husband, my kids, my families, and anyone I come in contact with.

In my years of being married, one thing I know that worked out very well for us is that, no matter how upset, angry we are, we always keep our communication channel open.  Don't ever stop talking to each other.  Spending time together and communicating is how you learn about each other and grow as a couple.  Give each other the gift of time, and undivided attention.  Don't dismiss him because you're angry, you're tied up with the kids, you're busy, etc.  We're all "busy".  I know it's hard when you have kids.  Especially with us mom, after having a baby, the baby take center stage and our husband is somewhere way down on the list.  Don't forget your husband.  Make time for your husband.  He needs you, like you need him too.  He's your best friend, and best friends talk often :-) 

Blessing to your marriage,

A friend's status update asked the question on anger, he asked "When you are angry, do you work out your anger in the right direction? Or do the people closest to you pay a premium to be in your presence?  Are you able to separate the fields of your life, so that you can honor those who deserve honor, and deal appropriately with those who require dealing?". 

As a parent, I can tell you, usually my kids get the butt of my temper :-(  because I'm around them most.  Yes, I loose my cool some times.  Thank God, they're not counting, and that they forgive easily !!!  I can be upset at them and literally, within minute, we would be laughing and I am showered with kisses.  They are great aren't they ?  But does that make it OK to take out our anger on our kids ?  answer is NO !  It's not healthy to take out our anger on our kids.  They don't understand what's going on, don't understand the concepts of things.  They are kids so they think like kids !!!  Try to understand that.

 

I'm one of those who can take a lot of crap, can put up with a lot, so it's not easy to get me mad.  Frustration ? yes.  Agitated ?  yes.  Angry ?  rarely.  However, everything changed since the arrival of my 2nd baby !  Some how, both of my kids know just all the right buttons to press, together, at the most opportune time, to get me clench my teeth and go ggggrrrrrrrrr ....

The other day, my mom and I got into an argument.  A typical mother/daughter moment that I'm sure most moms out there can relate.  We have conflicting ways of how we want to raise my kids.  Like I would give Bee time out and my mom would run over and took her out of the timed out spot, saying she's a baby, no time out !!!  My authority not only squashed but she unintentionally tell my daughter that bad behaviour is tolerated.  It's hard to explain to mom why time out is necessary in my broken vietnamese.  We normally are loud at home so my daughter can't tell if we're just talking or arguing :-/ but I'm sure she can tell, by the looks on our faces, it's not a happy conversation. 

After our loud "conversation", Bee came over to me, jumping up and down, asking to go outside, out to the garden and play (like we always do each morning).  I told her to hold on, to wait.  But no, she refuses to hear me and keep on going back and forth, pointing outside and escalated her voice into something like a whiny scream.  I was frustrated already, my mind was still focus on my convo with my mom, so even though I'm hearing what my daughter is saying, I'm not really hearing her.  Just then, Lovebug decided to join the fun and screams on top of her lung ! laughing in shrieking tone, at herself, at the high pitch noises she made !!!  It was all around a maddening moment.  I was annoyed and frustrated beyond belief.  Then Bee spilled her milk.  That was the last straw !!!  I lost it.  I was on top of my lung, screaming, putting everyone on timed out.  There were tears everywhere.

I told Bee we're not going outside and right then I saw Bee's down casted face, tears streaming, and a puzzled look, one that asked "what did I do ?".  Then she said "mommy no love Bee".  I immediately feel bad.  She doesn't understand what's going on.  I remembered my 10 second rule (more on that later), I have to choose then, my daughter or soaking myself in my frustration.  I so need to control my temper !  Why am I letting it controlling me and effecting my kids ?  Bee is not the source of my anger, and even if she is, I have to learn to express my anger properly !  like telling Bee why I'm mad, what makes me upset !  I need to walk her through my anger so she understands, and as a result, she will learn express herself when she's frustrated or upset also.

We went out and played in our garden for a long time that morning !  We had so much fun and the time outside allowed me to cool off and get over things.  I get over things pretty fast :-)

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

The more I'm around my kids, I learned so much from them.  They are like little spies, it's scary !!!  Not only I'm responsible for feeding them when they're hungry, or thirsty, but for entertainment, for learning new things, to understand how things work, to learn about boundaries, what's good, what's bad, what's fun, what's awesome, the science of things, how to explain their feeling, how to express their frustrations and angers.  I need to model good behaviour, need to learn to express my anger and handle my temper rightly.  I can't just raise my voice, being harsh in words and actions.  I need to tell my kids why I'm upset, and let them know that I'm not mad at them.  They are constantly WATCHING me !  watching my every moves, seeing if I live as I say.  They will call me out if I don't !!!

My hubby was the one who got me to take a "hold still" when I'm angry.  He said "I know you're upset, but it can wait !  you need to address Bee first.  She doesn't know what's happening, talk to her, explain things to her, then go back to your anger". That's the thing with me, whenever I get upset over something or someone, all the light in my world are all focused on them. They got hold of all of my attentions, all my brain cells. Usually, I would work through it with myself or with C, or with the person that I'm angry at, that's how it's always been. BUT now with a baby and a toddler, I need a new habit, need a new way to handle anger around my kids, without taking it on them.

So now, whenever I'm angry, and the kids are around, I take a pause !  I have to remind myself to "hold still", take 10 seconds, to breathe and think, what example am I setting for my kids.  EVEN IF MY KIDS ARE THE ONES DRIVING ME UP THE WALL AND DOWN AGAIN.  I have to breathe in and out, and stay chill !  If I must yell, I do it !  and after I tell my daughter why I'm yelling :-)

It was hard at first, but surprisingly, by keep reminding myself to take 10 !  that 10 seconds of self evaluation, to think things once over, helps me so much.  And I have to choose my daughters over and over and over every time when something threw me off balance.  I tell myself, here's my chance to show my kids how to properly handle anger, disappointment, displease, frustration, sadness...

 

I know if I do it enough it will be a habit, a good habit.  I want my family to have the best of me, want them to be my first priority !  I don't want to bring my issue with someone into our home, take out my frustration on the people I love.   I just care about them too much.